Monday, February 28, 2011
Careful What You Wish For
I love clothes. I always have. My Mom is super stylish and so was my Grandmother so I think I have been influenced since I was young. I love the challenge of playing with texture, proportion, shine, detail and everything else that makes up memorable style.
When I was heavier I did the best I could. I tried to find clothes I thought reflected my style, and how I wanted myself to be reflected through my clothes. Unfortunately, this is not easy when your size is quite, quite large. I relied mostly on being put together, awesome accessories, and a good sense of color. Then the weight loss began. I was super excited for clothes. This was a major motivation at first, but it came with this new set of challenges. I do not stay in clothes for long. I shrink my way out of them, and it adds up. I found my way around this learning how to shop for it, what can be adapted what can't and not falling too in love with things unless I knew they could work as I shrunk. It's a good problem to have don't get me wrong, but lawdy is it frustrating. I also would get my hopes up that I was smaller then I was just to have to purchase a size bigger then I wanted, or to have something be tight. Eventually I started to see and realize though often there was nothing wrong, it just was not right for me or my body. Heavier I knew it well. I knew how to hide every lump, bump and fault, or at least I thought I could. I did not know how to dress this new body especially one that kept evolving.
I sort of went on shopping hiatus for a while. It was not so fun, and I felt overwhelmed, and a smidge defeated. My focus also shifted to other things, like sorting through everything previous shopping binges to fill the void in my life instead of adding more. Gradually this abated. I would test the waters, a little anthropologie on sale, a taste of urban outfitters. I started to be surprised. Everything fit, for the most part, but not everything looked good. I could more objectively see myself and how clothes appeared on me. I did not feel caught up in well my size is hard to find if it fits I better buy it. I had choices now. I also realized there's nothing wrong with the body I have I just have to relearn it. My shoulders used to be more narrow, now they have muscle and are defined so puff sleeve sweaters though I love them no longer work for me. Boho empire tops that use to please me when in a hippie mood, not so much they obliterated my waist I had worked so hard to reclaim.
When I was heavier I worked harder on my style. I over compensated and I think I thought if I looked so super cute you wouldn't notice I couldn't dress like everyone else or was over 300 pounds. All the make up, jewelry, cute clothes in the world was not going to hide that. I have always believed in maximizing what you have and being pulled together. My mom never felt pretty so she drilled into me that a girl's selling point was how she packaged herself, her hair, body, face, and style. I was already hosing myself on one point so I had to really step it up to stand a chance in the girlie olympics of life.
I got down with the constant evolving of losing weight and how I could not get attached to anything but now I am reclaiming my fashion sense. I am throwing down the challenge to myself. I don't really know what suits me now, or expresses me via the fabric arts. I gravitate to things I never did before because I can. I do not have to hide, I can wear bold prints, colors, and do not need to hide my shape. It's still weird to me sometimes just like I do with food I do with clothes, I give myself permission. I can break all the rules I set before of what I could and could not do. I have some things I won't do. I won't bear my upper arms because of my excess skin issue and you know what I am okay with that. I am working on feeling better about it but I also do not think it makes me any less self accepting to admit I do not want to show it.
Samara, writes a fabu blog about her style, http://mysocalledstyle.blogspot.com/ and what catches her eye. I was catching up on it this weekend and it inspired me to step it up! I am working towards the body I want to be able to wear the clothes I want and doing nada about it. I ordered some stuff Sunday night seizing the moment and letting go of what I think I should look like, dress like, or be. It's a whole new world. Posted are pics of what I ordered. Before you say anything yes I realize I have a boob issue with the bow shirt. I have not resolved this yet, open to layering suggestions!
Style related side note, I am obsessed with feathers. Forget the hair accessories everyone and their mom is doing that. It's all about the earrings. I have some forever 21 that I swear make me hotter, put a wiggle in my walk, and overall improve the quality of my life and any outfit. This fella on etsy.com makes some really beautiful ones, but they are pricier then my $4.80 affairs from forevs.