Monday, February 28, 2011

Careful What You Wish For

I love clothes. I always have. My Mom is super stylish and so was my Grandmother so I think I have been influenced since I was young. I love the challenge of playing with texture, proportion, shine, detail and everything else that makes up memorable style.

When I was heavier I did the best I could. I tried to find clothes I thought reflected my style, and how I wanted myself to be reflected through my clothes. Unfortunately, this is not easy when your size is quite, quite large. I relied mostly on being put together, awesome accessories, and a good sense of color. Then the weight loss began. I was super excited for clothes. This was a major motivation at first, but it came with this new set of challenges. I do not stay in clothes for long. I shrink my way out of them, and it adds up. I found my way around this learning how to shop for it, what can be adapted what can't and not falling too in love with things unless I knew they could work as I shrunk. It's a good problem to have don't get me wrong, but lawdy is it frustrating. I also would get my hopes up that I was smaller then I was just to have to purchase a size bigger then I wanted, or to have something be tight. Eventually I started to see and realize though often there was nothing wrong, it just was not right for me or my body. Heavier I knew it well. I knew how to hide every lump, bump and fault, or at least I thought I could. I did not know how to dress this new body especially one that kept evolving.

I sort of went on shopping hiatus for a while. It was not so fun, and I felt overwhelmed, and a smidge defeated. My focus also shifted to other things, like sorting through everything previous shopping binges to fill the void in my life instead of adding more. Gradually this abated. I would test the waters, a little anthropologie on sale, a taste of urban outfitters. I started to be surprised. Everything fit, for the most part, but not everything looked good. I could more objectively see myself and how clothes appeared on me. I did not feel caught up in well my size is hard to find if it fits I better buy it. I had choices now. I also realized there's nothing wrong with the body I have I just have to relearn it. My shoulders used to be more narrow, now they have muscle and are defined so puff sleeve sweaters though I love them no longer work for me. Boho empire tops that use to please me when in a hippie mood, not so much they obliterated my waist I had worked so hard to reclaim.

When I was heavier I worked harder on my style. I over compensated and I think I thought if I looked so super cute you wouldn't notice I couldn't dress like everyone else or was over 300 pounds. All the make up, jewelry, cute clothes in the world was not going to hide that. I have always believed in maximizing what you have and being pulled together. My mom never felt pretty so she drilled into me that a girl's selling point was how she packaged herself, her hair, body, face, and style. I was already hosing myself on one point so I had to really step it up to stand a chance in the girlie olympics of life.

I got down with the constant evolving of losing weight and how I could not get attached to anything but now I am reclaiming my fashion sense. I am throwing down the challenge to myself. I don't really know what suits me now, or expresses me via the fabric arts. I gravitate to things I never did before because I can. I do not have to hide, I can wear bold prints, colors, and do not need to hide my shape. It's still weird to me sometimes just like I do with food I do with clothes, I give myself permission. I can break all the rules I set before of what I could and could not do. I have some things I won't do. I won't bear my upper arms because of my excess skin issue and you know what I am okay with that. I am working on feeling better about it but I also do not think it makes me any less self accepting to admit I do not want to show it.

Samara, writes a fabu blog about her style, and what catches her eye. I was catching up on it this weekend and it inspired me to step it up! I am working towards the body I want to be able to wear the clothes I want and doing nada about it. I ordered some stuff Sunday night seizing the moment and letting go of what I think I should look like, dress like, or be. It's a whole new world. Posted are pics of what I ordered. Before you say anything yes I realize I have a boob issue with the bow shirt. I have not resolved this yet, open to layering suggestions!

Style related side note, I am obsessed with feathers. Forget the hair accessories everyone and their mom is doing that. It's all about the earrings. I have some forever 21 that I swear make me hotter, put a wiggle in my walk, and overall improve the quality of my life and any outfit. This fella on makes some really beautiful ones, but they are pricier then my $4.80 affairs from forevs.


  1. Thanks Bethanny. Saw your post about the buffet. Totally time for that break up.

  2. I have SO much to say about this wonderful post, but I don't want to leave another novel in your comments section, so I'll have to send you an email instead. In the meantime, two thoughts:
    1. I totally take responsibility for your Modcloth shopping spree last night.
    2. My little sister and I are both CRAZY for the print on that Danish cardigan. We've been stalking it online for weeks. It's going to look so amazing on you!

  3. Samara-

    1. It was shopping enabling of the best kind.

    2. I FELL in such love, I ditched a few other shirts for it. Had to have it. The print, the colors, swooooooooon. Thank you, will post pics upon arrival.

  4. Everyone likes to wear designer clothes but don't forget to use hair accessories.Today to select or buy clothes that suits to our body is really a challenging task.In above post all the three designer tops are looking pretty especially black color top is looking awesome.Whole post is really fantastic.

  5. Thanks shutterfly! Agreed on hair accessories, but I slack there. Down or pony tail is about as far as I go most days.

  6. Aaaaah !!! I want that cardigan !! I can already see it on me lol. Don't forget to show us how you rocked it.