Monday, September 6, 2010

I will not fall prey to stress I will not

Week two of the project which threatens to throw me off the eating rails. I did better this week, more checked in and aware but not as well as I would like to have done. Such is life. I am trying to not to dwell on it and beat myself up over it, but not to the point that I am ignoring the behavior. Its a tough balance truthfully. It's in my nature to examine my behavior, but it's hard when the behavior is not something you can entirely trust yourself to be honest about. Am I really checking in and processing what I am feeling or am I hiding behind old habits and patterns? I just do not really know. What I do know is this, I am traveling for business next week. I did this same trip last year and put 2 pounds on in 5 days. 2 pounds 5 days. That's almost half a pound a day and I know without preparing myself and remaining incredibly aware and checked in history can repeat itself. It does not help either that I am going to Houston, and somewhat at the mercy of craft services. There's a lot of junk and slutty food around. Fried chicken, brisket, fresh baked cookies, and brownies, and then the obligatory after a long day drinks, followed by second mini bar dinner. I am resolving to stick to my eating guns, not succumb to peer pressure, and not eat anything I do not want to eat. I can not freak out about not being in control but I also do not need to eat 3 brownies just because they are there and I'm nervous. I spent the past few weeks being really nervous about this trip. Last year it was emotionally draining, and food wise so upsetting but I am determined this year to not let that happen. I am one year down the road with better tools and skills to navigate with. I can not control the stress or what food will be before me, but I can control how I react to it, and how I proceed.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Guilt, Accountability, and Stress

I am under a lot of stress right now at work. I have a big project going on, on top of everything else and I am REALLY struggling with emotional/stress eating. Last week I just get getting kicked, this week I am exhausted. Luckily I have Marisa to keep me on the straight an narrow. I felt a lot better after my session with her Tuesday. She made me recenter my focus and better understand the relationship between seeking control in my life and my food choices. I definitely felt out of control last week and that scares me. I don't like having so much pressure and stress on me and then the additional one of feeling out of control about my food choices. I did not realize how much eating well, exercising and taking care of myself had really centered me. Time to regain that center, get back on track and do what I have been doing best move forward. No dwelling, no mindless choices and no guilt. Guilt is such a silly emotion, but a great way to not face what is really going on. What is really going on is I checked out and no amount of guilt will change that. I got to check back in see what I am ignoring and move on. Move it or lose it, and I still need to keep losing it. The weight that is, not control.