I try to keep my chin up about challenges. I try not to get too bogged down, feel sorry for myself, or let them hold me back. Key word here is try. Sometimes it hard to not just submit and wallow a little bit in the challenges. Right now I have:
1. A dear friend struggling with their father dying. It just sucks and there's nothing you can do about but just be upset. I got nothing and that bothers me. I have no way to help and while this is so not about me, it's a challenge to be on the periphery and know you are helpless. There is nothing I can do to make him feel better, help his family, or even his Dad. I can listen, and that's about it, but on the other hand sometimes that's the best thing you can do. Listen, not do.
2. Work, is stressful. We have a new person in place who I have tried to roll with but it's starting to bog me down. I am feeling out of the loop, totally out of control, which I am not really in to begin with and it's starting to seep in and bother me. I do not know what to do about it, I have limited options in terms of discussion, compromise, or dealing.
3. I myself have stuff simmering below the surface I can not put my finger on. I know trying to bring this to light is not going to work, because you can not force it but lawdy is it frustrating. What are you trying to tell me subconscious? What?! You have my complete and full attention.
4. Sweets....lately I want them real bad. Last week I ate nutella, chocolate cake, and pie. Last night I had chocolate chip cookies and a granola bar for dinner. No es bueno. I am not checking out and I am making the decisions present which is almost worse. Some of it is coincidence I happen to feel a little on edge and weird, and there was a birthday at work which presented cake, and then there was a pie off at work. I just had to laugh about it and say of course there's pie. Of course. It's just so frustrating things you have previously been able to just be like cool, I see you there, but I'm not interested, all of a sudden are like yes, that is exactly what I want. It's not. It does not change anything. It never does.
5. I walked away from a friend and opportunity. I have majorly mixed feelings about this. I stand by my decision. It had become an increasingly crappy situation. I felt drained, manipulated, blamed and dragged into something that was not my place or where I should be. That being said just because I know I did the right thing for myself it does not mean I have to feel awesome about it. I think some of the conflict comes from knowing I have often walked away from things in the past put them in a box and then never thought about it again. I want to make sure I am not doing that here, and I am 99% sure I am not. I am respecting my feelings and boundaries which were not being respected. As I wrote about before in stopping, this is stopping in a good way. It's listening to that voice that says this is not good for you, and acting accordingly. It's like any situation there are consequences and I do not love these but I know they are what come with my decision on it and I know just sitting with it is what I am getting used to.
Okay so I've had a little wallow now what am I going to do about it.
1. Get back on track. Breakfast at home in the am, higher protein focus, limit sweets especially ones that make me extra nommy. Try to get to bed at least 1 hour earlier then I am. This will help breakfast at home success and overall exhaustion.
2. Plan, plan and plan some more. I do best with a plan. No winging it when there's some emotion out there floating. I know for example Thursday and Friday I have evening plans so Thursday am and Friday am I would like to make it to the gym so I can enjoy my evening guilt free and not think about when I will make up my work outs. I can deviate from routine better these days but having a plan helps.
3. Be patient with myself and not punish. There might be more nutella there could even be more chocolate cake. I am not going to freak out. I am going to ride the wave try to remain calm, checked in and aware.
4. Journal, yoga, and work out to help with emotional management. Even writing here has helped me feel more clear headed, accountable and honest.
5. Focus on the good and positive. Overall life is pretty good and this to shall pass. I have never been more committed to doing the best I can in a way that is healthy and realistic. Part of that is accepting there will be tough weeks. There are going to be weeks that nutella whispers my name, and that being healthy, present and checked in feels like punishment not the choice I have actively made.