Thursday, January 13, 2011

So? Hum? Huh?

I had another private yoga lesson with Melissa last night. Really amazing. First of all I have had a headache for about three days now. I have been predisposed to weather related migraines for many moons but getting a good chunk of the junk out of my diet has drastically reduced them. Anyway I think I had a snow related migraine going. We met last night and I was super tired, and in pain, I have some work related stress cooking to just to really bring it all home, within 10 minutes I would say the headache was gone and so much tension from my body I did not even know I was holding was beginning to melt away.

I give yoga a lot of credit for this, but I do not give enough credit to Melissa herself. She's a true love and light kind of lady. Her energy is great, positive, and just play awesome but how I feel around her is important here. I had an epiphany last night, I feel great, safe, and MYSELF. A light bulb went off. I feel no need to be anyone other then who I am, or any way then I feel in that that moment in her company. The element of feeling safe has really helped me get out of my comfort zone, let her touch my gross feet during practice, chant, do an om, and really check my ego at the door and ask questions, continue to push myself and be open to learning. Last night in shivasana, corpse pose she mentioned a chant you can do to help quiet the mind and focus on the breath, it's saying So when you inhale and hum when you exhale, and first it sounded to me a little so long farewell sound of music. I made myself drop that cloak of snarky humor though and did what I should focused o my breathing and quieting my mind. I am getting better at getting rid of the clutter. In my mind, my life, not my handbags, or apartment, but it will come. Just have to breathe and stay in the present.

Melissa is not the only friend I have that I can really just anna out with. I have others, but it was good to be reminded and reconnected to continuing to strengthen those relationships. To really know what that feels like and stay connected to it. I have a real habit of hiding out with people, playing roles, or making excuses for people's behavior that makes me feel less then good. I do not want to anymore. It takes a lot of energy and while it feels fun or harmless and like I can keep myself "safe" playing a role, I can't and I don't. It just takes me further away from myself and disconnecting from myself got me super over weight. No es bueno. Quieting my mind and making myself sit with some hard truths is making some tough thoughts come up, but I am grateful for them. They challenge me and just sitting with it is hard, but growing is pretty neat and feeling in the midst of transforming is worth some discomfort.

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