Redefining, and rebranding are big themes in my life right now. The company I work for is undergoing some major changes. We are totally rebranding ourselves and changing the way we are positioned within our industry. We're hiring additional staff, changing our name, and well pretty much everything. It's a little weird. I guess more then anything I have mixed feelings about not knowing what is to come. I am ready to be pushed. I am ready for something new, to be taken out of my comfort zones, to be re-engaged, inspired, to learn. I have been majorly lacking this in my professional life. I love working in a team but it is tough as well. We all have to work together and embrace things as a whole for them to work. Everyone has different comfort levels with things. My partner resists change. He plays lip service to embracing it but things do not change. I think he has a fundamental lack of confidence which keeps him from leaving behind the way he knows how to work. He falls back on excuses and statements I have heard for over 8 years. I am not saying this as a put down but as a fact. I am tired of pretending it's any other way. He also lacks a true self awareness, and capacity to see things for what they are instead of what he wants them to be because of his need for comfort. I can no longer support and uphold these things. I am pro these coming changes he is threatened and it's hard to say to him I am not with you on this. I know I need to change, grow, learn, progress, and in my opinion so does he. I know what we are as a company and where we really stand and I want to go beyond it. It will be interesting to see what happens. So far we're thinking on new names and hired an additional Creative Director, exciting! We also were awarded a HUGE job for NASCAR on Monday that is very exciting. I pitched the job on my own and while I was terrified I did well, and felt passionately about the work we did and that we would succeed because of it. I felt a part of something and not like I was just supporting someone else. It's tough because a lot of our work flow revolves around supporting someone else. Both in good and bad ways. We support each other to actually accomplish things but sometimes this support crosses over into enabling. I am happy to see a new sheriff come into town and make enabling reduced. I have had a hard time adjusting to the shifts in my relationships because I have changed so much. My professional ones for the most have strengthened but this will be a real test.I am not the same person I was, and I am continuing to evolve now, I hope we can all look to do this together.
So professionally I have a lot brewing. Lots of work, change, and growth on the horizon. So what is cooking personally? Doing the fear list has made me have to confront the idea that I am pretty scared of life post weight loss. I do not know if scared is the word so much as I have zero concept of it. I have no idea of what just managing your weight is. It's not so much the food and exercise that baffles me. I get that, or think I do. I get that I will not get to some magical number and eat cheeseburgers every day. It doesn't work like that. I guess what I struggle with is I have moved away from my weight defining me but how much have I really moved away from weight loss defining me? I had not stopped to sort of check in and see weight loss definitely plays a role in who I am. It not only plays a role, but it's one I probably like more then I want to admit. I blog about it, vlog about it, get positive feedback regarding it, and it's been a big thing that has made me feel good about myself. What happens when that is gone? What happens when I run into people and my weight is not mentioned? What happens when I just have to be myself? I am beginning to realize I do not completely understand who that is. I started a few months ago making moves to strengthen that. I moved the blog a little away from weight loss and tried to incorporate more about who I am, in my personal life I try to revolve around weight loss solely less but it's a challenge. Weight loss is and has to be a focus and goal for me but how does it not become intertwined with my identity? I am still working that out. What that balance is, that answer. I talk about it less with the people around me that helps, I have worked on enriching myself and life, that's a help but there are still too many gaps that weight loss boost can fill. I have to think more on this so I can fear it less and keep moving forward. It's time for a personal rebrand. I am more then my weight, and my weight loss.