A little dead on the inside

I have come to the startling realization I am quite bored. I am bored with myself. Not life but me. I keep doing the same stuff and not really bothering to figure out what does really excite me and bring me happiness. I keep seeking the same fleeting nonsense that does not really do anything for you long term. Cute fellas, vodka sodas, and new clothes are my new sweet treats and the result is the same. I feel slightly tempered but a little grossed out, and not quite sure what I did had any real benefit. I have been going out a lot lately, and I was not stressing it terribly but alcohol and weight loss do not really mix well. You have to have some balance and some fun which I do not believe you need alcohol to do but realistically alcohol and I are going to cross paths. I have fun, feel free for a while, and let go and then later I think what was that about? Why not take how you feel going out, and bring it into your day to day? Not sure how this works, but I would like to be the same girl in both places. I feel less boring terribly playing pool hanging with a friend then I do at work, going to the gym, and riding the day to day monotony. I do not want to live always looking forward to something, or in expectation, but routine seems to not be my friend lately. It's a new balance I have to navigate I suppose. Learn to go out, have fun, live a healthy life, keep some excitement in there, and not lose my mind being overly introspective. Got it. Check.