Last week when I was getting my ombre on I happened to read a little of a magazine. It's really rare I read magazines which is still odd to me. I used to be obsessed with women's magazines I would save my allowance for foreign issues, and I collected them compulsively. I even had a pretty substantial vintage Vogue collection going until I went to college. When I was about 11 years old I lived next door to a girl who was a few years older then me and of course infinitely cooler. She introduced me to YM, and Sassy. Right before I was leaving on a beach vacation she gave me about 1000 old issues and an obsession was completely born. I think my love affair with magazines started to wane when I worked at Jane magazine. I had thought it was literally the coolest thing ever. After working there not so much. I started realizing how inferior they made me feel, whether it was something I wanted but didn't have, a look I desired but could never achieve, and never mind how often the articles are the same. Recently I pick them up more often and happened to at the salon. It's just what you do I suppose. I saw Olivia Wilde peaking at me and the promise of getting her secrets for confidence. It hooked me cause despite being drop dead gorgeous and a one time competitive eater she seems pretty confident.
The article was pretty good. She made some interesting points about what women do, like waxing, highlights and so on. As I was waiting to get my own hair blown out I actually quit skimming and read the article. Her point about some grooming is it does not enhance your beauty so much as your confidence making you more open to being a little bolder and there by more attractive. One point was the girl with the fresh bikini wax is more likely to suggest skinny dipping then the one who maybe skipped it. She also listed skinny dipping as when she feels sexiest...I would say something about that but I am trying not to neg other women. Moving on, I do agree with her. I think taking care of yourself has very little about making you more appealing, pretty, sexy, whatever words you want to associate with it. It is about boosting your self esteem, and hanging your hat on something to allow that confident you out. One quote I actually took the time to put into my phone to remember later was, "Confidence is a state of mind, but sometimes we have to give ourselves permission to realize it." I think there is so much truth to this, but I think we spend so much time talking ourselves out of it. We list all the reasons we should not be confident but how often do we give ourselves permission to just be confident? In the past I have been really good at faking confidence but I am going to give myself permission to actually be confident. To actually list the reasons or to just say to hell with it I look good today and I am going to embrace it.
Lately making more decisions I actually want to make and doing what is right for me has been a real boost. Right or wrong I stand behind them whether it's my hair, or taking a night off from the gym. I am trying to practice giving myself permission to be confident, and trust I do know the value of who I am and what I am offering. Maybe it will help quiet the meaner voices in my head and if it means I have to get more lovely things like highlights and manicures well then so be it. I will suffer for my confidence :)