So far so good....Mom's spirits are high, my brother is relatively deal withable and I am surrounded my dogs which makes me happy. Yesterday I regained a little control by going grocery shopping. I don't drive, as in it's not a choice but I don't have license. My brother was nice enough to take me to the grocery store so I could get some essentials. I got oatmeal, sliced raw almonds, roast turkey, greek yogurt, and English muffins. This helped me feel more in control of my options around the house. My Mom has a real mish mash of food available, and she can have half an apple, some brie and a few crackers and call it lunch...I can not.
I'm trying something different this year. Usually I just eat what's available and then rebel a little on my way home, no joke airport Chik-fil-a in concourse A, not my concourse why yes I think I will, and I would like to avoid that. It's a tough line between having some comfort but not eating emotionally. Being completely out of food control for 4 days is not a good idea for me. I can hang to a certain degree and not stress but at some point I say well I can't control it might as well REALLY go for it. My goal as it has been this holiday season is not to gain.
I went to the Nutcracker last night and after a vodka soda and then a bellini at dinner, this felt like the longest ballet ever. We took my baby cousins who are not such babies anymore but are super adorable little girls. One of them at dinner was telling me how much room she had in her belly for dessert and how she really likes breakfast and dessert but not lunch and dinner so much. I said so you like sweets huh, and she, replied with the starry eyes sweets bring, oh yes. The most interesting part was a six year old then proceeded to inform me that she tries not to eat that many because too many sweets are not good for you. I was blown away, she then told me how she had learned about it at school in health. It was pretty cool to see how she had grasped it and it wasn't a body issue but a health one. There's hope for all of us yet if we have six year old cousins to educate us.
My brother who I have a complicated relationship with, also tried to "compliment" me by telling me how from behind I looked much thinner and he could really see my results starting, and the beginning of a waist but the backs of my legs didn't look so good and were clearly still my trouble area. Uhm I've lost over 100 pounds jerk. If it took you until now to start to see something get your eyes checked. He then started suggesting some things I could do to work on the backs of my legs. My brother is hardly the epitome of health. He has eaten his way through every fast food restaurant in Atlanta and full on admitted he was going to eat emotionally while here. Anyway my point is not to vent about him or diagnose his issues but rather that I shot him down. I said dudeski do me a favor and do not discuss my body. I said you're giving me a backhanded compliment and it's just weird. Rather then sucking it up and just nodding it felt good to call him out and bring it to his attention. He doesn't do this to compliment me despite him trying to protest his innocence. I really do question the goodness of his intentions. I think he does it because it's an arena he feels up and feels I'm down in standard sibling rivalry. Regardless of his intention I am not going to put up with it. He can have his issues and I can have mine but when it comes to my body I'm the sheriff of this town and can control the conversation.
It's Christmas Eve and we have a party every year. I plan to not eat any feelings and just enjoy catching up with everyone and not letting anyone else's issues bring me down. Hop everyone is having a lovely day and has a lovely healthy holiday.
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