Monday, April 23, 2012

For a Good Time

Take your prescribed pain meds and get on ok cupid. I have very little fear. This will probably end in tears. I have no idea why 22 year old boys want to call me a cutie and talk to me but it's hilarious. Some of the other guys are cool though. I mean flirting passes the time because I can only watch so much bad TV. I am also running out of reading material. Any book suggestions people? Save me from 22 year olds.

In other news saw the good doctor today. He says I am healing well. I asked him how much he actually removed from me and he said oh we didn't weigh it. Bummer. He did however show me with his hands what he took off my arms and it was astounding. Roughly a foot in length and 4-6 inches in width. As for the thighs he said liters. As in plural. Gross. The thighs are still swollen beyond belief. When I disrobed because god forbid I get to keep my clothes on for a day he said yikes I really beat you up didn't I. Yes you did sir, you most certainly did. The swelling and bruising gets better daily. I have to say I do not judge plastic surgery. I mean clearly. I do however want to ask people who get plastic surgery who do not need it WTF? Lipo is no joke. I think it gets put out there that it's simple. It's not. I am still sore to the point that I can not walk long distances, and I feel aware of my legs every step. I mean maybe once the swelling goes down and I am left with deflated legs I will better appreciate why I was so swollen. I feel really differently about lipo now. I was under the impression it was not a big deal. I mean it's barbaric as a procedure but I thought in this day and age it was no big deal. Judging by the bruising, swelling, and general messed up ness of my thighs it is still a big deal. I have to say if you have a little chub you are thinking about lipo'ing just go to the gym. For real. No work out has ever hurt me like this has, and you don't look like you are smuggling eggplants by your knees.

Now in other things to whine about...I can't shave my armpits for two more weeks! Two! I also can not wear deodorant until the end of the week. I am not sure I can make it. I mean I have to and lord knows it's going to burn, but I smell. My mom lucky duck is convinced he took out her sweat glands because she is not sweating nor is she smelling. I was not at first either and then boom it was like puberty all over again. One of my steri-strips covering my incision got stuck to my compression sleeve giving me both a heart attack and making my mom question my sanity. I sort of got it stuck back on and was afraid my arm was going to fall apart. Today when I see him I mention it and he can see it's shifted. What does he do but just rip that thing off. I almost died. Let me rephrase that I almost punched him in the junk and then died. It did not hurt that bad, but it was more just terrifying. I'm like these are VERY sensitive sir, don't be charging in and ripping ish off. Give a girl some warning why don't you. I don't care if you created them, I am very protective right now and rightly so. My mom tried to hug me and I acted like she was going to assault me. I'm a wee bit fearful of pain right now, or ruining things. The steri-strips though make the incision look worse so I am pleased to see the scar while icky is not awful. I have hope that once I can start slathering on the Vitamin E oil and using scar stuff they will be just fine. I can not put anything on them for 4 weeks. So hopefully in 3-4 weeks I will be back to working out, not wearing a weird garment that looks like a cross between a child restraint/straight jacket, and buying stock in vitamin e. Anyone have any scar remedy suggestions? Anything you've tried that worked?

honestly these are flattering photos, the one time a cell phone helps

hot right? 

My super cool never nude suit. I mean compression garments. I have to wear the sleeves and leggings 24/7 for now. 


  1. When I had surgery on my shoulder, I used this scar stick- I CANNOT remember the name of it to save my life. But- it was like an oversized Chapstick that made it handy to take with you and use several times a day. Not messy and it worked. As in, I'm kinda disappointed my scar is so faint- I was hoping for a really badass one that looked like it was from a knife-fight in a bar or something. BUT....keep a sunscreen stick as well for your first summer at least. That's when they are supah-sensitive to sun. You can keep it coated in SPF 30-50 in a perfect line on the scar area and still get your brown-on everywhere else.

  2. Lisa- Good call on the sunscreen stick. I know have to be good with it or it will deepen the color. I heard it's permanent to if it gets darker.

    Amie- Why thank you, you have to laugh at this stuff.

  3. I actually stopped wearing deodorant/anti-perspirant in December or January, and it's been a tough transition for me. Kevin has been trying to persuade me to give it up for YEARS, but I was finally convinced by a recent study that showed how the chemicals from those products have actually been found in breast tissue samples. (Scary, right?) I'm super insecure now, though, about how I smell when people get too close to me, and because I have yet to find a natural deodorant that I like, I'm MAJORLY concerned about what will happen once summer is in full swing.

  4. Samara- Interesting, how healthy and euro of you. People have suggested Tom's of Maine to me. Have you tried those or do you just go totally natural? I can't stand the wetness or the smell. I know it's not the end of the world but it just makes me feel gross. If I could shave I would probably be a lot more okay with it.