I have a guy friend who I've had some weirdness with in the past. Nothing major but we definitely get a little intoxicated and touchy feely. He is the one of awkward hand holding fame. I am still not sure what to make of that.
Anyway....he was with me Friday night. He asked me about the South African and said are you two grooving. Side note, I am not sure what twenty something uses the word grooving to talk about hitting it off with someone but I digress. I said I have no idea, and probably not because mostly straight women find me attractive. I said you're a dude why do your people not like me? I was kidding, but hey if he wanted to answer the question I would listen. He says I have no idea. He then says what I found very eye roll inducing, I mean girls never approach me. They don't approach you, because YOU should approach THEM. I am not talking about the rules. I think that stuff is bullshit. What I am talking about is effort. You want something go after it. I am not sure I want him despite being attracted to him. I'd like to make out and go back to being friends which sounds like a really good way to completely complicate a friendship so I do nothing. I do nothing because I am not sure what I want and if he is worth the risk. I also want him to make some sort of concrete move. Why do I want this move, because I want him to demonstrate I worth putting his ish to the side to pursue because I know I am. That might make me rethink some of my reservations. He doesn't, he won't and probably never will. This is fine because in the long run it shows me we just see things differently. I am a little over this difference truthfully. Not in terms of romance because I have shut the door on that, but in terms of friendship. We all want people to make effort. I am good at planning, I am good at including others, I am one of those people who welcomes people wherever I am, but it gets old when it's always that way. For the most part I have a lot of reciprocity with friends and do not feel like there is an uneven amount of effort going on. There is a significant imbalance of effort here, and I should probably look at that. It does not make me feel awesome.
He is a little bit of a wolf child in other regards and that works at 18, not in your late 20's. I am really lucky that for the most part my male friends are well mannered and considerate. I am very independent and have no problems taking care of myself, but it's nice when a guy friend puts me in a cab before himself, it's nice when the bars packed and they go get me a drink, it's nice when I have them over for dinner and they say thank you. None of these things to me are major but they are traits that I value because they are simple but significant. They show respect and value and I appreciate them. Not so sure I have the patience I once did for the wolf children of Manhattan.
Manners are something of a personal preference. I am from the South where a huge amount of emphasis is put on them and I do value them. I think what really irks me about my conversation with him is the sense of expectation. Take a risk, make a effort, go after what you want! I did not email the South African because I thought anything would come from it. I did it because he was cool and worth sticking myself out for. That's the kind of stuff I like in others as well. It's a bonus if they are not allergic to please and thank you.