|Sorry, the picture does not really do it's volume justice.|
Now on to some updates. I had yoga the other day. It was amazing! Olivia is super great and I am really looking forward to working with her. I was also pleasantly surprised because even though my yoga practice has sucked lately my strength training hasn't. Poses I had struggled with before I really wasn't. It was super encouraging. I however did not plan to well because I had yoga with her and then worked out with Egon that evening. Thursday luckily I did not have too many plans for using my upper body which is good because it was not an option. Holy shoulder/arm soreness, they still hurt for the record.
Operation starve the crush is going pretty well. There's been some sightings and witty banter but I'm taking it for what it is. Whenever I start feeling tempted to overanalyze or talk myself back into obsessing I remind myself if he liked me he would let me know and he's not so I don't want to waste time on him. It's a lengthy mantra but so far so good. It would be really super helpful though if he could just suck in some way at least once. This whole thing though is once again making me look at my relationship between weight and rejection. I was talking to my mom about it and she brought up a good point though. She said lets say he did tell you that you were too big for him, what would that solve for you? Would you really feel better if you knew that. No, no I wouldn't. It would definitely sting no matter how much I think it is THE reason. Sometimes we like to think we know what could hurt us the most and be prepared for it but we wouldn't be. I like being able to assume it like I have it figured out, but I would hate if it's the reason because it is the one thing I am still super hung up on about myself. The rest of me I am pretty okay with and if you didn't like it too bad. The weight, I would have to nod my head in agreement. I think I am closer to giving up this rejection escape hatch. I am over it, and ready to be rejected just because I am just too much awesome contained in one girl, bear with me while I indulge in some bravado....
Food wise, I have been doing pretty well this week. No super stretches without eating, no drinking this week, and the night snacking was under control. I have actually been eating pretty boring this week. Lots of simple sandwiches, chicken, and smoothies. I am pretty exciting ya'll. I did however have a lovely sushi lunch with my friend Kim that was a lovely break from my sandwich monotony and I got to see her gorgeous face. I have to say when I get back to working full time I am really going to miss being able to see my friends all the time. I love being able to have lunch with my girls. I think I forget what they look like in the daytime.
Lets recap shall we...crazy pageant hair, crush extinguishing, and a return to more normal eating. How is everyone else finishing out the week?
P.S. I got the best text ever in the whole world. My friend Lauren from LA, she's coming to NYC next week for a visit!!!! I could not be more excited. Seriously. I might have to take benadryl every night.