Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Just Enjoy It

Things are a real mixed bag right now, but mentally I am feeling pretty good about it all. A little round up.

 I worked really hard last week on not listening to the unhealthy voice. Dialing into that I think overall helped me check back in and not just about eating but everything. I just felt overall a lot more present. In checking back in I realized how I had not been present. Illuminating.

Eating wise I was way more on my A game and made much better and healthier decisions. I was not restricting, not eating my way through the night, and I did well with my work outs. I kept the alcohol to a minimum and just overall had a pretty healthy week. I saw Marisa on Tuesday and she said my weight was down significantly. I played it cool at first and just talked about the week but I finally caved and asked how much I was down. She wouldn't tell me. She felt with Christmas coming, and me traveling it could impact my weight next week and she wanted to avert any crisis. I get it. The one time I lost 7 pounds in a week it was such a blessing and a curse. I was thrilled, ecstatic about it, and then completely upset I could not do it again and again and again. A 7 pound weight loss in one week is not healthy or what you should be aspiring to and certainly not a goal to hold yourself to. I respect her choice and expertise and I have been really pleasantly surprised how not hung up on it I am. The number is not really important. I felt really good about getting back on track and it was great to have the scale reflect that a half a pound, or 10 a loss is a loss. 

In other news my brother is having some sort of quarter life crisis. Yowsa is he in a bad way. I have no idea what to do about it. He's been taking everything out on my mom and they can not get along. I am trying to stay neutral. It's practically impossible, but I do not agree with what he is doing or how he is handling himself, but it's not my life so not my problem. Straight up, I think he needs therapy. I think he struggles with chronic depression and has some stuff he needs to work through. He wants my mom and I to function in a role we just can't. He wants us to just blindly support him and for his actions to not have any repercussions. Don't we all but it just does not work that way unfortunately. He made the decision that he would be unable to come home for Christmas. He did not trust himself to behave properly and thought it was best he avoided the situation. It makes me sad to think he won't be there and it will definitely be weird. I am however HUGELY relieved he is making the mature decision to remove himself from the situation rather then make it worse. I think this is a great and super positive sign despite how it might appear. We have had some horrible holidays. I mean the stuff of legends. Really bad. After my Dad died we really struggled as a family to find our way during the holidays. Only in the past few years have we been able to come together not feel like we were broken and enjoy it. Once my Dad died we morphed into an unconventional family which we had sort of always been but even more so after his death. I see my brother as not attending Christmas as a sort of evolution of that. We would rather be honest as a family and say this is not a good idea and we're over the drama then just suck it up and try to be nice. 

My brother not coming for Christmas means I have several days without any back up with my mom. Should be interesting...I am looking forward to it in a cautiously optimistic manner. 

RGC....we've gone out. He's pretty dreamy...He thinks I am the bees knees and lordy is it nice. He's really easy to hang out with and there's a lot of chemistry there. I think it has potential but who knows. I am open to seeing what happens, but for now I am trying to just relax, take a breath and just enjoy it. 

Tomorrow I am off to Atlanta so I should probably pack a thing or two right? Anyone want to pack for me? 

Anyone else got holiday family drama brewing? Anyone not spending the holidays with their families? 


  1. Family Drama is my middle name.

    I am currently trying to apply for guardianship of my 12 year old sister as my mother is not a suitable role model for her. Not to mention I don't have a place of my own, a steady income, or any of that jazz, yet she is living with me and my father (who isn't her father). Wowza.

    Spending my holidays at work!

    Good luck on your trip :)

    Glad to hear about RGC. He sounds lovely.

  2. Amie- Wowsa is right! You are a great sister. I hope you are able to get guardianship of her. You would be an amazing role model for her. I hope you get some holiday fun at work! Thanks for the luck I will take all I can get! RGC is surprisingly lovely. If nothing else a handsome fella is a pleasant distraction from family nonsense :)

  3. Check you out lady, you are ending 2011 on a super high note of maturiosity, wisdom, and new potentials.

    I hope that you and your mum have a lovely few days together without feeling under pressure from the uncontrollable juggernaut that is Christmas to have a "perfect family holiday".

    If you rock 2012, the same way you have just killed 2011, I firmly expect to be composing your new presidential national anthem:P