Thursday, December 29, 2011

Well Hmmmmph

I need to whine a little about boys for a second. So yes things were going smoothly with RGC or so I thought. He got a little weird. He was weird for a few days and I did not think much about it. I chalked it up to the holidays and family obligations. Also we've known one another for a nanosecond and despite that seeming positive I was not going to assume any real familiarity. All I had to go on was how he had been and how he was being did not match. Anyway by Tuesday I was thinking hmmm something is up and at this point I can ignore it or I can call him on it. I was literally about to send the so I'm guessing you're not into it text when I got one from him. A friend of his passed away and he found out about it Christmas Eve. 1. That is awful and I felt bad for him, 2. I am so glad I did not send that text. I decided fair enough, he wasn't dumping his problems on me but said sorry I've been distant here's what is going on. His behavior however did not change. I started to feel insecure, and a little needy. I am not a big fan of either one of those emotions.

The big thing is we're supposed to hang out tomorrow night. I felt really weird about it. I felt like it's too soon for any big emotional hang out and the way things have been this week I'm not really looking forward to hanging out with him. I sort of suspected I was going to feel resentful and not really show my best side. I feel like it's not the best message to say you can act weird all week regardless of if it has to do with me and still get to see me. I am not down with that message. I have sent that message way too many times. I have also started relationships with men when they are having some sort of emotional fallout I support them through. What's that? Oh yes it's the alarm bells ringing in my head.

It's a tough thing not making new people pay for the transgressions of others in your past. I am not saying RGC is like every other guy I have dated. I don't really know him well enough to make that assumption or come to that conclusion. I do not know him. I do not know what his subtext is. What I do know, I do not like how I am feeling at the moment, and I do not want to hang out with him tomorrow. It's easy to forget sometimes you do not have to know what someone else thinks, you need to know what you think. I decided rather then to wait him out, wonder if he would say something I would take care of me. That's all I can do, so I sent a text, sounds like you had a rough week rain check on tomorrow night. No response. Silence sometimes is the answer I think but at least I am not wondering anymore.


  1. Good on you for going with your gut feeling. Instincts are harder to follow than we think. Also, you are doing what most of us fail to do on a daily basis-- you're learning from your past mistakes and actively applying what you've learned. Keep on doing what you're doing :-)

  2. microlife- Thank you! Ugh, still no text back....but I am determined to not fall back into old patterns of seeking someone not interested. Instincts are tough to follow because we are so used to our old patterns and habits. Whether it's brownies or men same stuff.

  3. You did the right thing. 'He's just not that into you' is the thing to remember, as hard as it is to swallow. I'm proud of you for not chasing! X