Thursday, October 20, 2011

Things That Will Make You Feel Alone

Lately these random things keep happening that emphasize how on my own I am and feel. I like it but there are moments I feel like I have traded my life for some sort of sitcom-esque escapade of a life being changed. I have never been a huge homemaker. I never had the time or desire. I had some capacity for it. I can cook, I can clean, I can decorate, I just choose not to. It bores me. I should say it bored me. Now I am a woman on a mission. I am so into it. I have been pouring over recipes cooking all those things I never had time to, picking up those bits and bobs I had always wanted as finishing touches, and cleaning. A lot. Not being exhausted and stressed makes this a lot easier. I need to find a patron so I can just swan about in my domesticated bliss. Wait, that's a terrible idea that would lead to boredom, baking, and a lot of weight gain.  I miss work. I miss the pressure, and the way it used my brain and sometimes I feel a little lost without that, but in the meantime I am loving getting to explore this whole other world I have hugely ignored up until now.

Ways to Emphasize Being Alone:

1. I have a laptop but close to zero software. Oh yeah that's my problem now. I do not have a company that loads it all up for me and a tech guy to help me figure out how to rebuild my itunes library. I do however have a Saturday night I can spend loading, cursing, and rebuilding. 

2. I removed a dead mouse from my apartment. By myself. In a homemade hazmat suit of giant garbage bags, huge rubber gloves, tongs I have no idea how I came to own, and a makeshift helmet. I was all cavalier when the exterminator came and asked if I had boyfriend before putting a snap trap down. I just sort of did not put two and two together. A snap trap while it would take care of my new roomie would also require me to deal with it. I was all no worries, I have a brother, he'll do it. The good news the trap worked, the bad news...I discovered it one evening. Alone. My brother lives in Brooklyn. I spent the next few minutes squealing and wondering how quickly I could move. Texted my brother, contemplated texting every guy I have ever known ever in my phone, and then realized I really could not take another second with it there and lady-ed up. It was awful but I felt pretty triumphant afterwards. 

3. I fixed my toilet all by myself. Again the feeling of triumphant did not really match the action, but whatever I will take it. I will take it all day long, and put a gold star next to my life chart. 

4. I am figuring out health insurance. Ugh, what a pain. I have no idea what 90% of it means, I just keep asking in a cavewoman like fashion I just want to make sure if anything ever happens I am covered. That apparently is not helpful to the people trying to create your insurance plan. 

5. Losing something makes you appreciate what you do have. I appreciate these small things so much and find myself so much less irritated by life and what comes with it. I might be alone, but I'm not lonely and I'm not incapable. I mean I can fix a toilet. Check me out. 


  1. Sounds like you have gotten a lot accomplished :) A little fall-lifestyle cleaning.

    What are your plans now that you are no longer employed? Do you have an area you think will interest you and keep you on your toes but with the good kind of stress?

  2. Amie- Right now I have been doing some consulting and freelancing. So far so good and it's definitely different then what I was doing before. I am still not 100% sure what direction I will go in next. All the opportunities coming my way are really different so there's a lot to sift through and choose from. I am grateful for that.