I would not say I have been out of control lately or doing anything wrong per se...what I have been doing is not practicing goal oriented denial. I have been saying yes when I probably meant no. I have been eating the cookie, instead of saying do I really want this? Do I want this more then my goals? I asked what I weighed today. It was not what I wanted to hear but I think it was important for me to hear it. I am 10 pounds higher then I would like to be. 10. It's not the end of the world and is just a number. During this phase I have learned a lot and seen so much of what I have learned implemented. Now is time to get back on my A game. I have not been measuring my food, journaling it without fail, and checking in when it comes to my goals. I verify if something is emotional or not, but not necessarily if it's what I really want to be doing. What do I want to be doing? I want to be losing weight. I feel better and better about myself, my choices, who I am, my body and many other things but at the end of the day I have to finish what I started. I need to make losing weight a priority again. I have had a taste of life without it being my number one focus and it was lovely but back to the program.
If I am honest about it I am not happy where I am. I am sick of being larger then I want, nit picky about my body, and self conscious. I am sick of my weight going a little bit back down, a little bit back up, and then down again but never past a certain point. If I really super duper honest about it I have to admit it's my own fault. I took a break and that's okay but right now it's crossing over into not okay. I want to move forward again. I feel confident I can handle the challenges that come at me and the unknown. More then anything I want to finish what I have started.