Thursday, June 16, 2011

Unfortunately It's All Related

I spend a lot of time thinking about body image. Not just my own but the topic overall. I find it endlessly fascinating how it is formed. I have been consistently challenged to rethink what I know. I used to say things and probably still do on occasion to girls with what I view as good figures, " Your body is amazing you should wear a bikini every day." I saw nothing wrong with this, and did not stop to think about how its not terribly appropriate. I mean because they have a good body they should put it on display? Why? Just like I am more then my body or weight so are they. Beyond that and women hating themselves as a common theme I think about how body image relates to self esteem which relates to confidence which relates to men. 

We all have a friend or may have been that girl who dated someone they should not have. I hesitate to say should because what do I know, but lets say someone who from the very beginning was a questionable mental health decision. Why do we do it and so willingly? I feel like women get caught up in this more then men. Men have no qualms about dating up, or being straight up in yep she is crazy don't see it long term but she's hot. I find very often a woman will deny or defend the negatives and try to shape it into something it's not, or say yeah I know but do it anyway. My guy friends are really interesting about women if you take the time to get beyond looks and actually hear their thought process. The logic, and lessened emotion works so much more to their favor, it's less personal and way more cut and dry. 
I recently was out and observed a scenario of a very cute girl getting treated like total crap by the guy she is dating. The saddest part, she did nothing. She did that little oh stop it act and then retreated to sulk with a friend. It was obvious she wanted him to follow despite him dismissing her to her friends. It was gross. His behavior, but she also is complacent. He's doing it because he can, he gets away with it. I was casual observer, and I do not know everything going on with this situation but I did keep thinking about it. 

Of course because of my own issues my thinking was initially she's cute and thin why is she putting up with that because I assume being smaller you have your pick of the litter. I know it's not true but it's an old habit I am working on breaking. The thing is big, small, old, young, whatever you only have your pick if you believe you should. It only works if you value yourself and set limits and guidelines of what you will put up with. My healthy line is a lot stronger. I do not have to judge the behavior, call someone out about it, or take some sort of stand but I do have to protect myself from it. It's just interesting when you get better at not being swayed by things that really do not matter, handsomeness for example, and paying more attention to things that do. A guy I was hanging with has a mean and selfish streak. Long term this is a terrible idea for me. I am giving and sensitive. These are two opposites that long term do not attract. We're friends now and all is well in the land but I think sometimes I am glad I did not make it about him picking me, but recognized for myself this had disaster written all over it and moved on. 

It would be great if we all moved in circles that only great people came across our paths but it's just not the case. You can never really know someone else, what their intentions are, or their true feelings, but you can know yourself and value yourself as the best line of defense. 


  1. great post. really interesting, thanks for sharing

  2. Thanks so much! Sweet of you to say.