You may or may not have heard of a blogger, Stella Boonshoft of the Body Love Blog who was photographed by Brandon Staunton of the Human's of New York blog/facebook page, she assumed he was going to put up the photo of her he took. He didn't. He pulled a photo of her from her blog in her bra and underwear, you can read more about it here. I could talk about how ick I think that territory is but I won't. Yes, she did publish that photo of herself, but it was on her blog and he did not ask for permission to use it, however what was pretty cool is that people responded overwhelmingly positive. She discussed the experience very candidly and her blog is very interesting. She uses the word fat a lot. I have mixed feelings about that, but why do I feel the need to rush in and say you're not fat, almost as reflex I do not question. What does it matter what I think? Her body is for her to define, just like mine is for me. If she feels empowered by the word fat well then more power to her. That is her choice, and she can describe herself anyway she sees fit. My opinion of her body is meaningless.
Mulling over all this I realize that recently I dislike my body a lot less these days and that it's weird for me. It's weird to catch glimpses, my reflection, a shadow, vague watery representations of myself and think yeah I'm not mad at that. Not only am I not mad at it, I might actually like it. This especially has been happening with my hips. Lately I don't hate them. Lately I kind of really like them and choose to enjoy that they make me feel feminine, and unique. I just cannot be bothered to hate them anymore, and it's less because I have directed my energy elsewhere and more because I don't. I can like how I look right now while working to be somewhere else. I can like having hips and while I do want to continue losing weight not work to eliminate them. These are my decisions to make, and I can enjoy where I am not and not apologize for it.
My body will continue to evolve through, age, weight loss, hopefully kiddos one day and it would be a shame to overlook what different times bring. It would be a shame to be too busy apologizing for what I am, or what I am not then to not just stop and enjoy it. I may not have these hips forever, I could contract some sort of hip eating virus and have a different build, might as well vamp it up while the hip getting is good.