10 Reasons I May Need To Re-Evaluate My Life

A few recent occurrences have had me thinking maybe I need to do some thinking and perhaps redirect the ship.



1. My newfound addiction to pet shaming. I CANNOT GET ENOUGH. Please see below and try not to wheeze, cry, laugh through the buzzfeed one:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/virginmobilelive/20-publicly-shamed-animal-twitpics-5l87

Anyone or anything that likes to roll around on pickles is fine by me. 

2. I am totally exhausted today, like thought about calling out of work tired, which means I don't get paid by the way, not because I was out so late partying it up high on Fiona Apple, no because I stayed up late reading another one of the ridiculous books I'm obsessed with.

3. I found myself yelling, out loud, " Cancer is not an excuse for pooping on the rug Dumplin' Elizabeth!" not only was I yelling that, but I am 99.9% sure my neighbor heard it based on the look he gave me when I was throwing out the recycling. So now I am a horrible person for yelling at a cancer patient and my rug has poop on it.

4.

This is my proposed Halloween costume because while I cannot be positive I am 99.9% sure she is both my real mom and spirit animal.

5. I went to a grocery store trying to track down diced green chilis and it's  exclusively vegetarian which I did not realize. Actually it's not only veggie but the oldest and only exclusively vegetarian store in NYC.  I felt pretty rebellious and thrilled I have no less then 4 different types of meat on me when I discovered this while walking around. I thought the meat police might get me. #lamemeatrebel

6. Momz is still icing me out. This both amuses and frustrates the bejesus out of me. I mean really? Of all the standoffs I want to be in this is not one. Anna isolating people since 1980. 

7.  A friend in LA gave me a ring at 10:47pm and hung up after one ring because she realized it was late. I called her back and was all don't worry I'm up even though I was in bed, in the dark, reading by the light of my ipad. Did you know an ipad is bright enough to light your way to the kitchen for a lil spot of granola nosh while you read?

8. A friend sent me an email with the subject line 3:30pm on a Wednesday and the email said you're welcome and had a link to the below. I am not sure what gives me more pause, the absolute pure delight this video brings me or that someone would know that it would. 

9. I had a full scale toddler-esque meltdown when this girl at work bought the same pants as me. I loathe copycatting, LOATHE IT. So not only did she buy the same pants as me but she was like oh I bought the pants, I said huh, she goes the polka dot pants. I said cool, trying to cover up my annoyance at accidentally starting a polka dot pants club. Then today she comes in with the pants on and says what do you think, cool huh, do you like them. I said yes, that's why I bought them. I am a polka dot b, and not only that they're from old navy....hardly exclusive. Someone else please tell me you hate copycatting so I feel less like a petty baby. Lets ignore how unflattering this photo of them is, and how at work I should be working not propping my legs up to send someone a pic of my polka dot pants. 

10. I picked all the dark chocolate covered almonds out of trail mix given to me at a meeting then offered to share when it was just the lame stuff in the mix. So now I am hoarding snacks, and not sharing well with others.