Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Maybe I Should Wear More Green

Jealousy is not something I wrestle with a lot. When I do it's pretty fleeting and related to an outfit or something else pretty unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I think sometimes that's why when I experience jealousy it's a big ole heaping dose of it. I also think some of my own inner arrogance protects me. Me? Be jealous of her? Puhlease. We all do things we're not proud of.

What the eff am I talking about? Well there's a girl who goes to my gym who's a friend of a friend and I just cannot be friends with her. She is perfectly lovely, and nice, and seeks me out, but I am just too damn jealous of her. She's 22 or 23, and the age yes does irk me a little bit, and so does her banging body and the fact that she's really effortlessly pretty but so are lots of women and I have no issue with that. She makes me super insecure, and jealous. So what do I do? I avoid her. I make pleasant chit chat and then skedaddle as quick as I can. 

I am seriously curious though as to why this girl just irks me so much. Is it her confidence, she has loads without being gross, or the ease she sort of goes about life, or that fact that she seems super humble, or that things seem to come easier to her? Since we share a mutual friend I have some insights into her life and know things have not been easy for her and as an outsider I should not be so quick to judge and assume her looks get her a free ride in life. I know they don't yet still that gross voice in me says hmmph.

Poor girl I wonder if some lady jealousy I should be spreading around I just heap on her. I think I just wish my 20's had been more like hers? Weird since I don't really know what her life is like. I just know my perception and it's definitely skewed. I hate feeling jealous though, because it makes me feel small and petty and that's just lame. Someone else's greatness is not your flaw or mean you're less then, this I know yet I still can barely manage more then a 10 minute conversation. One day....One day I will be able to not just be kermit'ing out and green with envy. 

1 comment:

  1. I love your honesty and trust me you are not alone. I have been feeling like that recently too!