I usually like to keep it classy. I wear skirts of a modest length, cross my legs and think more Grace Kelly then Kelly Osbourne in my lady channeling. I am however and will forever be a mess. I usually swear more then I want to and say inappropriate things because my internal filter is not so good, and let my nail polish chip way more then is acceptable pre-removal. Saturday started well, met up with Katie for a lady date. It ended with me in a bar with the lights on, because it was past closing. Blink and you're a mess.
The being in the bar with the lights on believe it or not is not the tacky part. I made out with a dude in a bar. Not exactly keeping it classy. It started all fine and well. He's a friend of a friend, a known ladies man, not my type at all and I do not think we have anything in common besides our mutual friends and living in New York. He was totally on the make. When we were introduced Rico Suave kissed my hand. I love these guys. I find them funny. I have zero actual interest in a charmy pants but they serve their purpose. They generally love and appreciate women in their own weird slutty way. He spent the evening complimenting me, trying to feel me up, and repeatedly asking me to come home with him. Going home with a guy after just meeting him is not my style. I don't go home with guys more because well it's just not usually an option, and uhm yeah you don't spend years incredibly self conscious and then hop into bed with people. I just can't. It's not right for me, I am way too STD and preggers obsessed to be taking that risk on just anyone. Back to the story, I have never in my life been more pressured by a guy to go home with him. It was cool to know I did not care if he liked me. He liked my look, it would do for the evening but whether or not I went home with him to make him like me mattered not to me. I didn't care if he did. He had already given me such gem statements as, " I want to see your red lipstick all over my body." For the record Rico it was hot pink and thank you. Thank you for validating what I know to be true I look good and for that classic. You can not take a guy terribly serious who will spit a line like that. I wanted to laugh in his face honestly but there is some girl out there it's worked for and more so I don't think he's lying. I think he did want some girl to leave a mark Saturday night. Oh make up don't send these mixed messages to the fellas.
I like to wear a fair amount of back eyeliner lately. It's a vicious cycle. I back it down and I feel like my eyes disappear, I put on more and it's not enough and around we go. I think certain guys take this as a bad girl emblem. I thought this went out of style a ways back, but Rico also asked me are you a bad girl, you look like a bad girl. Uhm no, and judging by the predictability of this exchange I am guessing if I had said yes he would have offered a spanking or something of that ilk. It's just funny, don't be fooled by eyeliner, or cropped leather jacket. The eyeliner is because I had to do a cocoperez.com video, the jacket is from target, but the attitude is all mine.
So how did I end up making out with him? It's this tricky desirability thing mixed with my own boredom. I made out with him because I could, and because he made me feel sexy and like I could be brazen for a night. I did not second guess what I was doing, or his interest, or a million other things. He was pretty clear in his interest, why bring my own ish into it ruining a random silly encounter? I spent years ruining the random encounters and missing out on them. Having someone give you an evening full of positive feedback when you doubt yourself is a pretty potent thing. The actual make out came from him again asking if I wanted to go home with him and me saying no and that I required a lot more work then that. I also probably should not have said this but did, "we haven't even made out, what makes you think I would leave with you." Cue the make out session. I asked for it. I can't blame him, or the vodka soda. I wanted to see if I could get it and I did.
What is tough about desirability is you can think you are the best thing in the entire world but if no one else agrees are you? I say yes and no. My girlfriends are sweet, they really are the best. They tell me I'm pretty, funny, look good in my jeggings, but we're not dating. They are not my demographic so as much as I appreciate and love their view of me and reassurance that I am not a monster I still have that lingering but where the dudes at? I was starting to believe only women found me attractive and I started to not care. I paint my nails blue because I like it, I assure you no guy gets it, I ombre'ed my hair because I wanted to, again men do not understand this, paying money to have roots? what? I think what works for me is I am doing things I want to do. Not caring who thinks what, my mom, women, men, co-workers, I do not care, and it boosts my confidence. I am not sitting around waiting to be picked I am picking.
At the end of the day a guy trying to coax me home with him does not make me change my opinion of myself but it was nice. I mean lets not front, flattery is cool, it's feels nice and it's usually always accepted if done well. The charmy pants breed of male does this well and if you take it for what it is I view it as harmless. It was nice after years of feeling invisible to men, or having to play a character to pursue one, I just relaxed and boom one was all up on me. He's someone I would think would be all about the blonds with big boobs. Superficial, and thin oriented for sure. Apparently not. Thank you Rico Suave. I appreciated the attention but more then anything I appreciate the ridiculous story of the night. He didn't tell me anything I didn't know. I do have nice boobs, and I do have nice moves, I appreciate that he noticed them and thank him for that.