Monday, May 16, 2011

I Don't Remember Asking You

Have you ever just volunteered what you thought of a guy's appearance right off the bat? I do not think I have. I have complimented. I work with a lot of guys and when they look extra handsome I tell them but I leave it at that. This weekend I had two conversations that did not have the impact they may have previously had but still gave me pause. 

Saturday I was hanging at the gym with my buddy Avery, and Egon my trainer. I was talking to Avery about not knowing what to wear and feeling unmotivated. Some how this took a turn and ended up with my trainer saying to Avery almost as if I was not present, "Have you ever seen Anna, all done up, hair done, make up, all stylish and professional, I bet every guy looks at that and thinks yeah I want to get on that." I give myself points for not just being immediately flattered, and batting my eyelashes, but actually pausing to think well that's a little hyperbolic and weird. I am not an unfortunate looking girl, and I do clean up fairly well, but I HIGHLY doubt every guy is looking at me thinking I want to get on that. Not to super over think it, but I just found it odd. Women in general do not talk in this manner in my opinion. We have the decency to talk with our girlfriends at brunch behind your back, I am only half kidding. I think what I find interesting is the confidence, assumption, and projection all going on in one sentence. It takes confidence to be so sure about a statement. It's assuming a lot, the opinion of the fellas out and about, and the projection that you know what they find desirable. I think it's tough with the trainers. We do speak about my appearance, but it's mostly about what I want to do, change, progress and things of that nature. It's the business at hand. It's not really about beauty, desirability, or my attractiveness to the opposite sex because that to me is subjective and out of his realm. I was pleased that I did not really care what he thought and did not give it much weight. His opinion is his, it's not really a reflection of anyone elses or what the opinion of the fellas at large is and most importantly I do not care. I really don't. I care more about should I come across a fella that I like that he finds me attractive for who I am AND what I look like not just what I look like. Looks, like labels give us a smidgen of the story but they do not really tell us anything.

It's pretty easy to think you have a story in your head but really you know next to nothing. I see this more and more by what people tell me. I mentioned the eye liner thing to a guy friend, that guys approach me more when I have it on. He said, "Not a big surprise at all, it means your carefree, fun, not too uptight, and therefore a good lay.". Wow. That's a lot of information to come from a beauty product. I do not really see fun and eyeliner and intrinsically tied but that's me.

Saturday night I ended up at the bar with Katie. Her boyfriend was working, we caught up. Then she insisted I had to head off with them to an after hours place. My goose had already long been cooked. I was not even trying to cover up my yawns, but off we went. One of the bouncers at the bar has taken a shine to me. He walked with us over to the after hours place, and proceeded to tell me why he liked me. He started this off with I like you because you're thick. I like the word thick about as much as I do plus size. I only like the word thick when you're using it to describe the frosting density on a baked good. I again award myself points for not melting down and assuming the term thick meant I was fat, but rather just laughing and thinking that is not the way to win me over. Katie said to him you should see this girl she can run, and he said I bet she's built like a thorough bred race horse. Okay. So now I am thick and built like a race horse. Also not something I would usually be fond of being linked to in description unless it was about my speed.

I again just found this so interesting. What would possess you to say this stuff to someone, especially a girl? The word on the street for the most part is not to compare us to animals unless it's a slinky cat, and we like words like svelte and graceful as descriptors but that's me making assumptions. Maybe I just prefer those terms. Beyond that what I learned though is I am not down with it. If you do like me, are attracted to me, or want to have a shot with me, immediately telling me what you think of my appearance is not the way to go. Not asking me any questions about myself but only talking about my appearance, not the way to go. I can not worry about the fellas. They have their own fish to fry and hopefully they will find ladies who love their upfront way of sharing opinions. It was nice to walk away knowing I really don't care as much as I thought I might about opinions on my looks or body.  I used to be real slutty about seeking out comments, or looking for them or attaching more importance to them before. I was so disconnected that I would take what I could get to give me an idea of what I did look like or how I was perceived. I know now what I look like, how I am perceived I can not really know and can not care what people think. I can only worry about my own opinion because that's tough enough to keep healthy, balanced and in perspective.

1 comment:

  1. Gotta say, massive FAIL on the guys part to use the word Thick. OMG, what was he thinking?? (obviously has no clue). I totally agree with you. If a guy is a contender to date, he'd not comment on your appearance the first time you meet. Sure, if he's picking you up on a date, he could say "you look nice this evening", but man, until you are at the stage you wanna press your body against his, it's all 'chemistry' and the unspoken is he digging me cos he's not said anything yet type of thing.