Friday, May 6, 2011

Lady Love

Katie and I last weekend.

I have a great group of girlfriends. They are smart, sassy, funny and they keep me sane and grounded. This was not always the case. In fact up until college I was a little lady shy. Usually girls had sucked. I had ended up back stabbed or in an never ending cycle of top that. Some of my friends are people I have known since I first landed in NYC. One of my oldest friends here was my suite mate freshman year. Our friendship has endured. One of my greatest friendships happened completely by chance and by taking a risk.

Katie and I first met via the phone. I needed a roommate and she did to. We spoke via phone, she was in Arizona, me in New York and sort of felt one another out. I think we decided we would not kill the other or be killed and so entered into co-habitation agreement with a okay lets do this attitude. The first time I laid eyes on Katie I was pretty sure my new roomie was Malibu Barbie. She was wearing, light jeans, a white tube top, gleaming blond hair, and deep tan to match. I was scared. I immediately was like oh no, this is not going to work. Mostly because I thought she was wondering who the sloppy chubby girl she was now supposed to live with was. I could not have been more wrong. I also could not have known then how much I would learn and benefit from the friendship.

This initial meeting set the tone of our friendship. We could not be more different in many ways, but at the core we believe the same things, and I would like to think have given one another a safe place to be ourselves. I have been able to have one of the most rewarding friendships with her because she has never judged me. She is OCD and I am a slob but she has tried to help me and has never shamed or judged my habits. She has never judged my decisions, but has always been able to tell me what she thought. We have been able to communicate. I think what I have learned the most is we can be ourselves and because we started our friendship living together not being ourselves was never an option. We were only going to be on our best behavior for so long. I came home once and she had moved her bed to be able to see the TV and was dipping a banana into a can of frosting. I am not going to lie. I fell in love. A girl after my own heart, eating in bed, and frosting nonetheless. This was over ten years ago. We weathered living in different cities, crappy boyfriends, family drama, career nonsense, and managed to laugh and support one another through it.

Last year Katie became an American citizen. 4th of July weekend no less, and I came out to toast her. We had a few cocktails and she grabbed me and told me how proud she was of me of what I had been doing with the weight loss, and that she felt she did not tell me enough. We both had tears in our eyes and granted a lot of this was alcohol fueled, but we do love one another and want the best for each other and always have. Katie has never not had my back, and me hers. Katie's weight is pretty consistent but she loves food and stays on top of it. She has never once judged me, and if anything has consistently supported me, tried to boost my confidence, and commiserated with me. I love her for that. I love her for not ever making me feel weird, self conscious, judged, or less then but I also love and value that she was able to be happy for me. Many of my relationships have changed since this all began. Some have weakened, some died out, some strengthened. I am so grateful that our friendship strengthened. Katie never thought there was anything wrong with me to begin with I think she was just waiting for me to see it.

This is my teary confession to her. There are too many stories, too many good times, or meltdowns that she just let me have and didn't judge to list. The most epic being when after 6 months of waiting for my furniture my new sofa did not fit into the elevator and I nearly walked out on to traffic yelling into my phone. She just gently guided me back on to the sidewalk instead of smacking me and telling me to get it together. There's the party my mom had where my brother's girlfriend had a meltdown of epic proportions and we still think broke his nose that she didn't bat an eyelid at or judge. I do not tell her enough how much her friendship means to me. How much I do depend on her, and value her, and feel lucky to know her. I am so happy for her in the turns her own life has taken. She has accomplished so much in her career, in love, and within herself. She has an amazing boyfriend and it's always fun to see them together because he sees everything great about her, and can laugh about the quirks but never tries to change them. He's a smart man, and it gives me hope. We should all be so lucky to find a fireman who thinks we hung the moon.

We joke and call each other our LLP's, Lesbian Life Partners and that we know one day we'll end up on the porch together watching the world go by, but in the meantime I am happy to have her by my side now. To have had her friendship that has always been positive, encouraging, rewarding and kind. She has grown as a person and I feel lucky and blessed to have been able to do the same by her side. The older I get the more I feel lucky that I needed a roommate back in 2000 and met her. Who knows what would have happened if I had stuck with what was safe and known and not just taken a chance. I am glad I do not have to know.

It being Mother's Day and all on Sunday I should probably have posted about my mom. She however, being Miss Too Cool for School boycotts mother's day. True story. She has very strong feelings about it. I decided to take this as a chance to post about a woman who has been in my pantheon of important woman and save an ode to my mom for another time.


  1. It's amazing how family can let you down, men come and go, some friends drop away or you drop away from them but then there's this core unit where you're yourself, they've seen you at your worst and loved you and taken you as you are, never judged you and you never feel like you need to try, sure you have quiet times where you need some space from each other and at other times you can live in each other's pockets. I'm always grateful for these people in my life and I feel so sad for those who don't have this in theirs. Good reminder :-)

  2. LOVELY post. Katie sounds like a keeper :)

  3. I gave you an award:

  4. D - It's important to remind ourselves of the goodin's sometimes right?

    Samara- Thank you! She's a total keeper. I was just telling her about your bloggie this weekend. Reminds me I need to send it to her...whoops.

    Beyond Willpower- Thank you!! Super cool!