Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Where I am at

I continue to be thoroughly overwhelmed by kindness. I keep getting comments, emails, texts, even on twitter messages from people. It's a great problem to have. I honestly think it's been something which has tremendously softened the blow. When I should feel down I feel incredibly up. People have gone out of their way to contact me, contact people on my behalf, and have just been amazing. It has really humbled and overwhelmed me.

It's officially a week now that I have been unemployed. I have yet to really set any sort of routine. My days have consisted mostly of being on the phone and enjoying my downtime. I nearly killed my dog taking her for a mega walk the other day. She may grow to not like that I am around so much and marching her around the city. I just walked around no iPod on and took in the fantastic city I live in. I do not even know that last time I got to just walk with no destination in mind. I have led a really busy fast paced life for 13 years here. I have always been go go go and on to the next thing with no time to waste and goals to reach. My goals are very different right now. I am taking each day as it comes because this is totally new territory for me. I have never not had a job, a concrete goal in mind, or a destination I was heading.

Today was the first day I woke up a little down. I just wanted to stay in bed and not deal with anything. I wanted to just pull the covers over my head. I felt very overwhelmed. I think some of this had to do with being a little worse for wear. I went to a really amazing party last night. The blog Advanced Style hosted a party and my 91 year old girl crush was performing. Ilona was amazing and I got to meet her! Leading up to meeting her I said to my friend Jen, I want to meet her and she said go up there go for it. I got really shy and nervous about it. Then I quickly dashed up on to the stage to shake her hand, tell her I loved her, and then quick as a cat was back with Jen. Jen said you were too fast I couldn't get a picture. I felt like that moment in some ways sort of sums up where I'm at. I feel a little shy and nervous but have to keep making dashes up to the stage. Maybe not to meet 91 year old women, but if I want to continue figuring out who I am, what I want to do, and how to make myself happy on my own terms there are going to be a lot of uneasy moments. Change is not comfortable. I think this morning that much of what lies ahead for me had sunk in.

Feeling a little bolder post Ilona meeting I asked this  fabulous lady for a picture. Check out her bangles, my hero. 

91 year old Ilona Royce Smithkin cabaret.

Ilona ready to meet her adoring public. 

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry to hear about your unemployment. I hear you on the 'just went for a walk with no goal in mind or no ipod'. I often forgot how much I love walking because for the most part, my exercise is scheduled and timed and just walking for enjoyment with no particular goal or even place, is truly awesome... Walking like this really lets your mind wander. You are alone with your thoughts. Music is distracting.