It's officially a week now that I have been unemployed. I have yet to really set any sort of routine. My days have consisted mostly of being on the phone and enjoying my downtime. I nearly killed my dog taking her for a mega walk the other day. She may grow to not like that I am around so much and marching her around the city. I just walked around no iPod on and took in the fantastic city I live in. I do not even know that last time I got to just walk with no destination in mind. I have led a really busy fast paced life for 13 years here. I have always been go go go and on to the next thing with no time to waste and goals to reach. My goals are very different right now. I am taking each day as it comes because this is totally new territory for me. I have never not had a job, a concrete goal in mind, or a destination I was heading.
Today was the first day I woke up a little down. I just wanted to stay in bed and not deal with anything. I wanted to just pull the covers over my head. I felt very overwhelmed. I think some of this had to do with being a little worse for wear. I went to a really amazing party last night. The blog Advanced Style hosted a party and my 91 year old girl crush was performing. Ilona was amazing and I got to meet her! Leading up to meeting her I said to my friend Jen, I want to meet her and she said go up there go for it. I got really shy and nervous about it. Then I quickly dashed up on to the stage to shake her hand, tell her I loved her, and then quick as a cat was back with Jen. Jen said you were too fast I couldn't get a picture. I felt like that moment in some ways sort of sums up where I'm at. I feel a little shy and nervous but have to keep making dashes up to the stage. Maybe not to meet 91 year old women, but if I want to continue figuring out who I am, what I want to do, and how to make myself happy on my own terms there are going to be a lot of uneasy moments. Change is not comfortable. I think this morning that much of what lies ahead for me had sunk in.
|Feeling a little bolder post Ilona meeting I asked this fabulous lady for a picture. Check out her bangles, my hero.|
|91 year old Ilona Royce Smithkin cabaret.|
|Ilona ready to meet her adoring public.|