Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Dual Citizenship

I am a lucky girl for many reasons. One thing is I feel really lucky about is to not really be any one thing. I am both from the South and North.This was even more reaffirmed to me being in Arkansas. By day two I had reignited a major southern drawl. I caught myself pronouncing North Carolina, North Care-OH-Liiiinnne-UH. I could try to describe how much fun I had this weekend and would still not succeed. I could try to explain how great the girls I got to hang with are, and how amazing their fellas are, and how much precious the babies are but I will not succeed. It was a fantastic weekend with fantastic people.

We kicked off the weekend with a girl's night out. I got to see Melissa's Mom for a quick second and then we were off. I love her mom. She is a saint. She is one of the most amazing women I have been lucky enough to know. She has always been in my life with a kind word, reassurance, and has always consistently built me up. As much as I hate to say it, she's kind of the mom I wish I had but I am happy to just have her in my life. We headed out and there is nothing that prepares you for heading out with a mom of a toddler and a 4 month old who has not been out in a year. You generally should train for these sort of things. I do not think we stopped talking for hours. We went out, caught up, and had a great time. There was a fair amount of alcohol, not going to lie. Then Friday we woke up, lazed around a little and then picked up the boys from Mother's Day Out. While Melissa had a quick nap I caught up with her mom. As we say in the south we visited. I love these sayings and do not even realize I have forgotten them until I here it. Her mom is just so amazing. I know I have said it already but she really is amazing. She kept saying how amazing I looked, always had, and how proud she was of me. It was really nice and rather then deflect it I just let her say it. Post visit it was off to get the boys.

 It's a treat to get to see an old friend, but to get a glimpse into their reality is really fun. I was so excited to meet her boys. I met the baby briefly the night before we he needed a bottle and a change, but I was excited to really get to meet him without being a little tipsy. How do you know you're not ready for kids yet when you're excited to snuggle one drunk. Bad Godmomma. Bad. We picked up the boys, got them snacks, and everyone settled. Then good friends of Melissa's arrived and round two began. We visited, had a cocktail, and then got ready to go out. Girls just never change much do they? We're in our thirties but of course have to crowd together in the bathroom to do our hair and make up together. We went to dinner, and let me for a second talk about the food in Arkansas.

Oh the food. I ate green vegetables once. Once. I am not proud of this. I also ate fried pickles, pizza, real soda, a cinnamon bun the size of my head, hash browns, corn pudding, pulled pork, a cubano sandwich, and a pack of swiss rolls. I am not even discussing how much alcohol I had. If there is a shortage of vodka in Arkansas I have to hang my head and raise my hand that it's my fault. I gained a pound and a half while I was away. Not shocked at all and was just relieved that it was not ten because I would have deserved that. It freaked me out a little but I just rolled with it, did what I can and just took deep breaths. It was not my ideal to have a big blow out weekend the week before Thanksgiving, but what can you do? When in Arkansas, eat a lot of pork. That's what you do.

Being there and spending time with Melissa and being with her family just reinforced to me how much I want family. My own family is just not who I can count on. My Mom and brother are fighting currently and I am remaining neutral. I just do not have the patience or energy for it. I am sort of moving towards my logical family, the people I have chosen to be my family get the full access to me, but my family can not. I just can not trust them with myself. I am not going to keep going to the same people expecting different results. I am going to keep investing in the people who I can just relax and be myself with. I spent Saturday on the couch waiting my turn to snuggle the baby in sweatpants and my comfort hoodie not caring at all that I had raccoon eyes, and was wearing in PUBLIC my in private only hoodie, and had not showered. We laughed, commiserated, reported on our hangover progress, relived the night, and then laughed some more. We headed off to bed at about 8pm that tells you the shape we were in. Sunday we had to get it together there was a baptism to be had.

Sunday, I needed a hair dryer. I was in Melissa's bathroom and we laughed looking in the mirror that we were getting ready for church how it all comes full circle. We were always on each other's approved Saturday night sleepover lists because we would behave in church. Now 100 years later we're getting ready for church again. The baptism was lovely, and I still insist the pastor said to protect the child from wiccans not the wicked. At the airport I was sad to go, but so happy to have been there. To have had four days with someone who means so much to me, and to be able to laugh, share, and most importantly just be made me feel very lucky and thankful. Appropriate timing for this time of year hmmm....

Mel and I, before truly kicking off the goat rodeo of an evening. 

My precious snuggly Godson. 

Typical man pantless man watching football. 


  1. What an awesome weekend:) And your godson is too adorable. Did you have to renounce Satan at the christening? I did at my godson's and it was a real struggle to keep a straight face! I'm more fairy godmother than religious godmother!

    Happy Thanksgiving - I hope your mum and brother manage to put aside their differences and you all have a great day.

  2. You are really beautiful! I'm a new reader and just wanted to say that I am really enjoying your blog. I love love love that you include so much of the emotional parts of the struggle with learning to love your body - I think that your outlook is so fantastic. I really mean that. So many diet/fitness blogs are kind of thinly veiled self-hate with sentiments of restriction and punishment and I don't get that feeling from your writing at all. It's really refreshing.

  3. Natalie- Thank you so much for all of your lovely compliments and thoughts! I just try to be honest, because just being told to love your body does not work for me and others. It's a tough thing to actually learn how to be positive, honest and leave the self-hate behind, but I 100% believe it's possible. Thank you for reading, and commenting, it made my day.

  4. S.N.S- Isn't he a doll baby? It's his ridiculous amount of hair that does me in. I think we did have to renounce Satan but I was so hung up on the wiccans I didn't even giggle about that. Thanks for the mom/bro wishes. I hope they do to and have a feeling because we have guests and they are weenies they will!