I canceled my travel plans and Friday as I made my way home it occurred to me I might need a thing or two since I was not planning to be here. I wondered the store and felt this weird deja vu I could not place at first. Then it hit me, prepping for a hurricane felt a lot like prepping for a binge. How much did I need, how long would it go on? I kept having to remind myself that was not what I was doing. I was not planning to stay home and eat all weekend I was preparing for a hurricane. It was an odd clash of my present and past. I was doing what I was supposed to for the present but it was definitely bringing up my past.
I decided to skip the hurricane parties and stay at home. I was not interested in drinking the storm away, changing out of my jammies, or putting my public face on. I just wanted to be alone. It was a conscious choice, not a I am going to hide and eat one. I watched a lot of television, chatted on the phone, fashioned a papoose if I had to escape with my dog, and then got really bored. When the storm moved in Saturday night I sat on my fire escape just listening. The city was so quiet and still. It was eerie and really calming at the same time. There are few places I would rather be then my home if ish was going to go down and sitting on my fire escape I felt that really profoundly. It felt good to be on my own but not lonely, to be dealing with the ghosts of binges past and not melting down, but most of all it was nice to not be afraid of what the next few hours might bring. It would be okay because I had what I needed where I was, pop chips and all.
|luckily this was the only real damage on my block.|