Monday, August 29, 2011

Storm's a Comin'

Well the hurricane has come and left. It went out less as a bang and more as a whimper. Sort of bound to happen that way. The city was on lockdown, certain areas evacuated, lines outside Trader Joe's a block long, and everyone wishing one another godspeed as they went about their preparations. Had none of the prep happened we would have been walloped. Sunday I went foraging for coffee it was an odd vibe outside with people wondering around bewildered, but returning to their routines and wind gusts would remind us what all the fuss was about to begin with.

I canceled my travel plans and Friday as I made my way home it occurred to me I might need a thing or two since I was not planning to be here. I wondered the store and felt this weird deja vu I could not place at first. Then it hit me, prepping for a hurricane felt a lot like prepping for a binge. How much did I need, how long would it go on? I kept having to remind myself that was not what I was doing. I was not planning to stay home and eat all weekend I was preparing for a hurricane. It was an odd clash of my present and past. I was doing what I was supposed to for the present but it was definitely bringing up my past.

 I decided to skip the hurricane parties and stay at home. I was not interested in drinking the storm away, changing out of my jammies, or putting my public face on. I just wanted to be alone. It was a conscious choice, not a I am going to hide and eat one. I watched a lot of television, chatted on the phone, fashioned a papoose if I had to escape with my dog, and then got really bored. When the storm moved in Saturday night I sat on my fire escape just listening. The city was so quiet and still. It was eerie and really calming at the same time. There are few places I would rather be then my home if ish was going to go down and sitting on my fire escape I felt that really profoundly. It felt good to be on my own but not lonely, to be dealing with the ghosts of binges past and not melting down, but most of all it was nice to not be afraid of what the next few hours might bring. It would be okay because I had what I needed where I was, pop chips and all.

luckily this was the only real damage on my block. 

1 comment:

  1. I had a really similar experience at the grocery store that weekend. Trying to figure out what and how much I should keep in my pantry over the hurricane weekend was really difficult, and it definitely felt like I was preparing for some kind of huge weekend binge. I tried to buy enough food to make it through 24 hours without electricity because I just didn't trust myself with any more than that. And once I was home, I had to keep reminding myself that those items were only there in case of an extended electricity outage. Overall, I think I did okay. I had a few too many handfuls of cashews -- I have a weak spot for nuts, we all know this -- but I think it was actually kind of a good experience for me. It reminded me that while I'm still working to get my boredom eating under control, I've come a long way. I have a much better understanding now of what situations/foods are dangerous for me and I'm much better equipped to handle them.