Friday, August 19, 2011


Right now I am choosing to be positive about the uncertainty in my life. I am choosing to think things will work out and know that I can deal with what comes my way. I could choose to worry, fret, or be annoyed and angry, but I am not going to. Anger, and annoyance is safe for me. I know how to express it, sometimes I even feel empowered by it, despite genuinely being an upbeat person. I think a lot of times I thought I looked tough or strong but really I looked very foolish, out of control and probably nothing I said was heard. When I am uneasy, or need more clarity I am not thrilled always by how I act. Luckily for me someone has been put in my path that is gracious, patient, amazingly smart, and if I am articulate and patient to will clarify things for me. It's hard to be honest sometimes to someone you have just met, especially when your ego is bruised but it's harder to keep going feeling uneasy. I would rather humble myself and be honest and take a chance on getting some answers then keep riding my high horse.

I got off the high horse and instead I am seeking out the information I need to feel more settled in a way that is more assertive then aggressive. This is new for me to try to be more gently assertive and being honest, and trying on a little vulnerability for good measure. It's challenging, but I do feel better. I think more clearly and less clouded by annoyance and resentment.

I think so much about life comes down to our choices and not just good or bad, or what ifs, but how we see things. It does not have to be immediately negative or our preconceived idea. It can be a chance to grow, learn, and leave some of the stuff behind you do not like. I am choosing to embrace the changes in my life even though they make me uncomfortable, and I am excited to create more in personal life that I am excited by. It's no good when you bore yourself. No good at all.

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