You know when you keep telling yourself this doesn't bother me or freak me out? Maybe you can get away with it. I can't. My body always starts some sort of ruckus to say yes you do. It started last night. A little anxiety, a few racing thoughts, but nothing too bad. I went off to sleep.
My body's most obnoxious way of getting my attention is anxiety sweats. I give it some credit though because it definitely gets my attention. This morning I got the sweats and the thoughts broke through my Sunday sleepiness. This is unusual. I usually get a few minutes of thinking my dog's snoring is really funny, or I really should put all my laundry away before any real thoughts begin. What is this all about? I start a new job tomorrow and I am fighting a cold. A cold which is determined to win, which compounds my anxiety.
I met with people on Friday and felt pretty good about the whole situation. I was excited and ready to dive on back in. I was definitely inundated with information, details, tasks, people, and so on and felt really happy I had the weekend to digest. This morning, Sunday knowing tomorrow is Monday and it all begins I feel a little different. Straight up I'm a little scared. I hate being the new girl. I hate not knowing how to get what I need to get done done. I hate asking others for help. I hate not knowing the lay of the land. I hate morning sweats. So what do I do about it. I just got to breathe, as much as this cold will allow, and roll with it. How do freelancers do this all the time?! Do they have IV drips of xanax? Lemme know peeps.
At the end of the day I am booked on this job until Mid-March. That's not very long really and lets face it homegirl needs to get back into gear. I have been doing little jobs here and there, but nothing which really pushed me out of my comfort zone. Do you have to be pushed? I happen to think so if you want to grow and I have avoided this. Actually doing something outside my comfort zone is forcing me to figure out what that growth is. I still am not sure, but I do know this dilly dallying around is definitely not helping me find any answers or feel more capable. I try to remind myself that I am not so unusual that what I forget is that change is uncomfortable. I will focus on that for now, and take a shower.
Anybody got any good/bad starting a new job stories for me?