Monday, July 11, 2011

All Riled Up and Nowhere to Put It

About a year ago my old trainer broke up with me. Our relationship had become really weird. She is one of those people who talks a lot about boundaries while crossing all of them. I had to report in to her after seeing Marisa, she continued to give me nutritional counseling despite me telling her I did not want it, and the world overall was very black and white to her. I am way more a shades of grey kind of lady.  The way she handled the break up was weird. Emailing me while I was on vacation, the day after my birthday after texting me was I getting email. So I get her email, find it really odd, and then find out we will not be discussing it Monday because she had taken me off her schedule. This was upsetting but I am of the mindset I do not want to work with anyone who does not want to work with me so I was going to move on. I did not mention anything to the gym or say anything negative about her. I just moved on despite how bizarre the whole thing was.

I am friendly with many of the lovely ladies who work at my gym. One of them yesterday happened to show me a note on my account. My old trainer said she had discontinued working with me because I had been verbally abusive. To say I was shocked would be a huge understatement. I felt violated by this ball faced lie. I never as much raised my voice or spoke to her in anger. She was the one who screamed at me like a child when I forgot my folder one morning and I very calmly said to her whatever this is I am over it. The more confidence I gained the more she treated me strangely. She had wanted to be my exercise ambassador but I think she resented I needed that less and less. Continually when I would say I want to try this or that she had something negative to say about it. In the end she did me a favor with the break up. I did not want to work with her anymore but was not sure what to do about the situation. I hate however that she said something completely untrue about me and the situation. I reviewed last night and I honestly can not even think of how my actions could be misinterpreted. What I thought about though overall with her behavior is she is someone determined not to be abused, discusses this a lot, I mean a lot more then the average person finds cause to in their day to day life. She is someone who also speaks a lot about being a victim and how they will not be one. I am now very suspicious of people like this and who speak on these terms because lately what I have experienced is they have unresolved pain that causes them to defend themselves so much they victimize others. I feel sorry for her in the long run. In order to be safe she is so closed down and shut off I think she misses a lot of wonderful things in life because what I find wonderful is not black and white but last night I was white fury angry. I for a moment contemplated getting a letter written by a lawyer to cease and desist with the storytelling but then I just circled back to she is not worth it. 

It felt good to just feel mad and not do anything negative to myself to dispel it. I just rode the wave. I can do nothing about it really. In her mind maybe when I did tell her to stop yelling at me I was abusive. I do not know. I do know often we disagree with people because we define things differently. I am glad I do not work with her anymore. I hate that she said something blatantly not true about me but I am moving forward with someone I look forward to working with and that is what is important. 

Because I do have a petty side, below is the original break up email:

 Hi Anna,

I have evaluated our work together and the amazing results you have achieved.  My desire is to see you achieve continued results and I believe it is a good time to make a switch and change routines, pace and style in order for you to move on to the next level.  Often to grow and succeed, change is required.

We have made significant changes and in the process, your body has adapted to my programming, hence your successful results, but I feel the extent of what I could do has come to a conclusion. My recommendation is that you need "New" eyes and a different approach in order to prompt continued results.  Since we have a great team at Clay, you should exercise your options in confidently choosing a new guide for your continued success.

I have a few suggestions for trainers that I will mention only if you wish me to, and our manager Terry Fister may also assist you with that.
For me, as a professional, it has been interesting, challenging and rewarding. Keep up the good work!


  1. Bleurgh - people like that deserve to be locked in a room with each other until they explode!

  2. What in the world???? I am glad she decided to "break up" with you because I bet you will find someone WAY better than her to be your trainer, someone who actually LISTENS to her client and is kind and understanding.

  3. CocoGadget- yep, I maybe can't say anything there but I can here!

    S.N.S. - Ugh, it would dissolve into a total victim off.

    A Girl Who Loves Cupcakes- She totally did me a favor by breaking up with me because of her own control issues. The blatant lie I could have done without. I cut crazy out of my diet a while back but sometimes it still worms its way back in.