Jesse, the trainer I have been working with now for some time pushes me A LOT. We do varied workouts, and he pushes specifically my cardio. He continues to help build up my confidence and manage my fears. When I say I am afraid of x, he offers solutions, or explains why that wouldn't happen. He also most importantly helps me reach my goals. A few months ago I told him I wanted to get better at running. I wanted to improve my form, my speed, and my distance. He leapt on this and has not let me slack on it. He makes me do drills with him, and gives me workouts to do on my own.
Running like yoga is something I have always wanted to say I did. Not just to look cool, but it was a club I wanted to belong to. The people who did it enjoyed it, and felt rewarded by it. I have kept at the running and now I do run faster. I do feel less jiggle. It makes me feel like my movement and mental state are aligned. The past few weeks I have felt progress. I feel leaner when I run. My stride has improved. I focus more on how much stronger my core feels then how my butt jiggles.
What's nice about saying a goal out loud and being helped to achieve it is the sense of reward and accomplishment you feel that is pretty much entirely your own. No one can take it away from me. Something I have dialed into lately about what holds me back is this fear of things being taken away from me. I don't really believe I will maintain a healthy weight, I'll regain it. I won't really be able to stay healthy, someone will disrupt it. Running has become this metaphor I can't ignore. I want independence. I want to be able to support my goals no matter what and not be dependent on others. I want to be in my own club and stay there.