Monday, August 5, 2013

No Right or Wrong, Just Different

You know how I was going to see Beyonce? Yeah, well that didn't happen. My poor friend got scammed! She bought the tickets on craig's list and they were fake. I felt so bad for her. While I was totally game to go, I was not dying to see Bey and she was. This particular friend and I have a lot of things in common but it's funny where we differ.

She was beating herself up about it, and I said, "well you could be a scaredy cat like me and pay a million more dollars on stubhub or you can take a chance." We ended up having a lovely dinner and evening so the night was far from ruined. As we sat outside and I drank sparkling rose and she sipped different fancy cocktails we just chatted. We were somewhere quiet, not in a hurry and could actually talk.

We have not known each other long but we became friends pretty quickly so now at this point we do sort of know each other. We can see consistencies in our behaviors, make some predictions, and see why we view things differently. She is very what she sees is what she believes, I over analyze everything and eventually throw my hands up and just do what I wanted anyway. She has a bajillion acquaintances and friends, I have people I tolerate because I have to and friends. We were talking about someone we knew in common and I was like oh lemme tell you about her. She was like you always go deep, you get to know people. I said there is just no in between for me. If I like you, and I enjoy your company then I am going to want to learn about you and get invested. I explained it's taken getting older to learn how to protect myself better with this. Not everyone should get that treatment off the bat, and the way I employ it is different. When I was younger, I used this as a way to ingratiate myself with others and build social currency now it's because I genuinely find people fascinating. I am just more discerning about who I invest in.

We chatted dating, hook ups and guys. I'll be straight up because well this is my blog and I can she goes about the fellas has bugged me as of lately. She posts conversations on facebook, and instagram, talks about making out with two guys in a night, and I just cringe. I don't think there is anything wrong with what she is doing but I don't get why she is telling people. She's like you're right I had never realized how private you are about that part of your life. I said I have zero issue sharing with anyone, I just want to share in person not on facebook. She just thinks it's funny and wants to share. Well go on girl. Get your share on.

What was super cool about being able to just talk and share where we came from was there wasn't any judgment just this is how you see it, and this is how I see it. We both learned more about the other, motivations, end goals, and a different way to think about things. I admire a lot about her fearlessness, but I am old enough to know trying to replicate it in her manner would not work for me. It doesn't mean I can't channel some of that my own way and appreciate the way she employs it.

I find as I try to quiet my own inner critic it makes me kinder and less defensive to others. It makes me less judgmental. I can, not want to act a certain way but not find anything wrong with someone who does. I can also take someone approaching things differently not as a sign that I am doing things wrong, or they think I'm a lame-o. Last night as I sat on a blanket with good friends and ate an ice cream sandwich for dinner listening to Beck I just let myself enjoy it. I didn't scold myself for such an unhealthy dinner, or for not eating something healthy before I left my apartment. I sat on the blanket and enjoyed the ice cream sandwich and the beautiful night and did not miss it by being a total ass to myself. There really is no right or wrong, just occasional ice cream sandwiches for dinner.


  1. Love this post! I re-read the "inner critic" part a few times because I am struggling with this and with judging others now. You are so wise.

    Also, ice cream sandwiches are amazing. :)

    1. I am not so sure about the wise part but thank you for such a lovely sentiment. I think I thought being hugely critical made me better but I don't think it ever really did. It also makes me worry too much about things both out of my control and none of my business.

      Ice cream sandwiches are amazing! I need more of them in my life :)