Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Chop Chop

I should tell you how weeks 4 & 5 went with my Total Body Makeover, but how fun would that be when there's a haircut to discuss? I did it, I chopped my hair off. It felt awesome. I mean it's hair, it's not like it's a permanent decision. I get these lil bees in my bonnet and generally I HAVE TO DO IT. I just knew I had to cut my hair....so I did. Huzzah!

Last week we had our first family therapy session. I don't even know where to begin with that. Part of me thinks I need to explore my family dynamic with them to undo it, another part of me wants to join the witness protection program and assume an orphan identity. My brother basically laid out for me, he does not like me, he does not enjoy my company and I am a bad sister. What's fascinating to me is that, a lot of when he sites my not being a good sister, is about 3-4 years ago when I started making significant changes in my life towards being healthier. We just do not see eye to eye. He lives in his own universe where everything should go his way and my bucking that makes me bad. For example, he's like you have rules about your apartment and you won't let me come by there when you're not there and that's so selfish and controlling. Okay lets break this down, it's MY apartment, which I own and pay for, number one. Number two, why is he not allowed to be there without me? Well because I repeatedly asked him not to smoke pot there and to clean up after himself when he was there and came home to both an apartment cloaked in pot smoke, and his trash on the table. Yet in his mind I am wrong to ask for boundaries, and I am selfish to not allow him to use my place as a city rest stop. It's difficult to feel hopeful about any healing or resolutions as well when you are at such different ends of the spectrum. We both feel very justified in our thinking and actions.

I stayed on track with my eating despite being tempted not to. I sweated out my annoyance and frustration instead of eating it and kept on moving. Friday night I felt like I got a cosmic reward for enduring family therapy. A friend took me to see Passion Pit. Lawdy, if you can go see them DO IT. Great show. It's interesting with terms like Borderline Personality Disorder being thrown around about my brother the timing. The lead singer of Passion Pit, has had a very public battle with bi-polar. They had to cancel tour dates, he's been hospitalized multiple times, lives his life on medication and yet Friday he played a sold out show at Madison Square Garden during a blizzard. He said to the crowd, 7 months ago they told me I would never tour again. I was a little varklempt. Being mentally healthy is a fight no matter what. I am not sure my brother wants to fight. I think he wants to blame, but we'll see. 

what a way to end a show

hair be gone

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