Friday, May 21, 2010
I write this blog, but I do not advertise who I am. It's not because I am embarrassed but more because I really want to continue strengthening my identity outside of my disordered eating. It had been a huge source of definition for me in the past, whether it was over weight, disordered, all sorts of stuff, and now I feel pretty good about moving further and further away from it. I say all this because recently someone I knew from college, and was not particularly close to reached out to me on facebook. I don't really trust what this person as to say because bottom line I think she's quackerdoodle crazy. She also came at me first saying I shouldn't exercise but have curves, then apologized and said she's lost lots of weight and her mom's doing jenny craig, and then she emailed me again asking who the hot spinning instructor I knew was. Ryan is unbelievably hot, but he's also one of the sweetest kindest people you could ever hope to me. Anyway I replied back saying thanks but no thanks. That I do not want to have this dialogue with her, and that I was moving beyond this as a facet of my personality. This did not go over well and some how turned into me being a racist, ugly, ugly on the inside and not willing to support someone else. What was nice is despite the venom being spewed my way I just held my own. Who I discuss my body, weight, and struggles with is my choice. I know longer feel the need to share it with anyone who will listen and be emotionally slutty. I have a nutritional therapist who is a godsend and I highly recommend, and a great support system. At first when I started this process I definitely over shared with anyone who would listen. I chalk some of this up to enthusiasm, and some of it was fear based. I needed to obsess in order to embrace at that time, but I am very pleased for the sake of all of those around me I have moved on. I need the friends I was probably boring. Anyway I just found this entire interaction fascinating, I told her I did not wish to discuss this with her, and yet she throws back but you discuss exercise and greek yogurt on your facebook. Yes I do, but discussing my love affair with spinning and greek yogurt is completely different from discussing with a relative stranger my painful struggle with disordered eating for 20 plus years. I have mulled it over and now I shall say good bye because like other things I cut from my daily eating I also lost crazy.