Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Well Now What

I am still a ways from my goal weight but it's truly not that far off and completely attainable. I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around this. I used to lay in bed at night and just pray that tomorrow was the day. Tomorrow was the day I desired less food, felt less compulsive, played less games and was able to have a healthy relationship with myself and food. I have that now, most days, and it still gives me pause sometimes. It still is a surprise to me when I crawl into bed and I just go to sleep or review my day and the next, but do not wish for a miracle. I used to be caught way more between extremes. If I couldn't be a size 2 then I didn't want to lose weight, I knew even then that it would roughly take following a healthy eating plan 2 years to lose weight so of course my reaction was 2 years forget it might as well eat who has time for that. It's incredible to see how quickly a year has passed, and how much has changed for the better. No real negatives really, some emotional and draining times but nothing I regret or would change. One of my goals in choosing not to have gastric and to do the work was I wanted to feel normal and now I see normal is caring about what you eat, working out, taking care of yourself and I have achieved this goal. My disordered eating was such a tremendous part of my life that now I see the void that dealing with it has left. This leads me to now what. I have more time and now need to make new goals. I've changed my eating, mind, and body and now it's time to continue to change my life.

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