Keep Calm and Rebrand

Lately life has felt a little like trying to dig myself out of an avalanche. Work has been beyond insane. 

The network is rebranding and while it's been an amazing experience. It's not one I want to relive again anytime soon. In the midst of all this though...I met someone. 

First up there was Hedgie, he was a guy who approached me at a party we got to talking he tried to get me to come home and make out with him. I politely refused but said good try and then we swapped numbers. He kept it pretty smooth, called me, texted me, set up plans for the following weekend. I saw him on a Saturday and went over to his apartment to hang out. I walked through the door and he shoved me against the wall and kissed me. I was a bit shocked but it wasn't unwelcome. He then said sorry I've been thinking about doing that all week. Mmmkay. I heard from him Sunday and then after that not a peep. Oh these hot and heavy fellas. I knew he wasn't anything serious or going to be someone I dated. He managed a hedge fund and while he said he wasn't one of those finance guys, I mean if it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck. I hardly think the finance guy debate is something exclusive to NY but they just don't tend to be my kinda guy. I find them often a remote and aloof, and having big egos. Not really my thing. 

Despite Hedgie being a no go, I really didn't care. It was definitely fun and made me see how much I did miss dating and actual viable romantic options. I was not flattened by the rejection, and felt very clear on the fact that it was something to do with him not me. That being said to distract myself I made my way back over to the interwebz. A guy messaged me and he's 4 years younger, and pretty good looking at first I was like um no, this is clearly a mistake. I messaged him back we started going back and forth, swapped numbers and I kinda left it at that. Thought well huh, he's actually pretty cool we'll see. A few days later I was back on the interwebz and he messaged me so I took a chance and texted back saying are you flirting with me online when you could text me? We texted from 9:30pm until 4:30am because clearly I am 15. Things just kind of took off from there, a lot of texting which I was a little nervous about. Texting does not equal a relationship and I've made the mistake of liking someone's digital personality more then there actual one before. That is a bummer let me tell you. As the time creeps by though I start to actually have a crush. Then we met, then we continued the texting, then we hung out again, and then he pulled away a bit. 

Staying grounded is so tricky isn't it? It's not normal to be in constant contact all day. That is not real life, but it sure does provide a high. I saw him Saturday, didn't hear from Sunday, and then didn't hear from him Monday until I texted. I was losing my mind, and writing him off, and this is all crazy. Monday night he checked in, said he had an awful day, and I was like sigh all is right in the world. Tuesday, I shook myself and was like GET A GRIP WOMAN. He's not the first dude you've liked he won't be the last. Maybe he's really busy at work and it's not going well, maybe he's doing a slow fade, who knows but you'll be okay. I was going to initiate plans for Friday but instead I made them with another friend. I mean what kind of message does you can ramp it down and get plans? Not a good one, and not one I want to send. I'm way more work then that. I'm going to practice what I preach, I know I'm enough so I am not going to convince him that I am. I'm going to sit on my hands and do nothing, he'll either wander back or he won't in the meantime I have a network to re-launch.