Friday, November 22, 2013

Swing This Way Swing That Way

The last two weeks have had some up's and down's. The problems were mostly in my head which sucks. The good thing is talking about it, reaching out to the peeps around me, and challenging my thoughts has been working.

So what was going on, I just felt super negative. I felt very body dysmorphic feeling "enormous" and "fat" and it happened swiftly and overnight. I was majorly comparing myself to other people, very jealous of anyone thinner then me, or achieving their own goals. This came on really quickly and out of nowhere. 

I brought it up with my nutritionist and she gave me a really helpful and calming explanation. She explained, because I'm under stress at work, and in my personal life, I have a lot of emotions surfacing, which I am managing in a healthy way but when we're emotional we can feel burdened and heavy, this in turn for someone with a history of disordered eating can make them feel physically heavy and body dysmorphic. A ha! There was a lot of truth in this for me. It also helped me when I felt clouded by negative thoughts to decipher what was real and what was not and how to address either. 

Another thing I did that was super helpful was increased my self care. I've been taking these detox baths because my skin was freaking out because of winter creeping in. HUGELY suggest it. 1 cup epsom salts or dead sea minerals, 1 cup baking soda, essential oils if you want, and fresh ginger if you can be bothered. I cannot. Soak in that for 15 minutes, I follow up with AmLactin lotion to help keep the flaky skin away. Do not use this on legs you have just shaved unless you want to contemplate dying. My skin feels pretty dreamy with this combo and my mood's improved. Epsom salts I found out are also mood improving so there's that to.

To try to keep swaying things back to the healthy side and less the self loathe-y I concentrated on staying on top of my self care, not comparing myself to others, and boosting my cardio as I've been in a rut and bored. I do feel a lot better. Far calmer, and more grounded. Feeling present is a day to day thing, and that's cool. For me the only way to be balanced is not fight and accept that I swing between extremes. I feel awesome, or I feel awful. When I swing one way or another I have to go what's up and then I can meet in the middle. Self acceptance for the win! And epsom salts, definitely epsom salts win.


  1. Now I want a detox bath! :)

    I love what your nutritionist said; it makes so much sense!

    When I feel stressed, I let negativity get the best of me too. At those times, I tend to feel more mistrusting of others and jealous, as you mentioned. I get into the "depleted" zone and feel envious of those who seem to have more than I do (attention, love, whatever).

    Not having enough of what I want is a huge issue/fear of mine and I feel it the strongest when I am not taking care of myself (like when I don't manage work stress well).

    As always, I love your posts. You are such a neat person. :)

    1. Do it! I keep telling everyone I know to get there detox bath on.

      Interesting what you say about the depleting zone. That makes a lot of sense as to why it would add to jealousy. Hmmmm...I need to mull that over for a moment.

      It's funny I don't consciously fear not having enough of what I want, but it does crop up sometimes and I don't ever really examine it. It's an interesting thing to maybe look at how it drives actions and why.

      SO MUCH good stuff to think about here! Thank you as always for such insightful thoughts. You're pretty neat-o to smart cookie :) xx

  2. Ugh, right there with you. I don't know who/what to blame, but I could definitely use a detox bath and a little self-care. I just need to clean my bathtub first (or convince Kevin to do it.)

    1. um....I get in the tub with a magic eraser scrub it and me down (not with the magic eraser) and then bath time. I'm clean, it's clean we all win. Now I need to find someone to clean the tub and cut me out of it.