Swing This Way Swing That Way

The last two weeks have had some up's and down's. The problems were mostly in my head which sucks. The good thing is talking about it, reaching out to the peeps around me, and challenging my thoughts has been working.

So what was going on, I just felt super negative. I felt very body dysmorphic feeling "enormous" and "fat" and it happened swiftly and overnight. I was majorly comparing myself to other people, very jealous of anyone thinner then me, or achieving their own goals. This came on really quickly and out of nowhere. 

I brought it up with my nutritionist and she gave me a really helpful and calming explanation. She explained, because I'm under stress at work, and in my personal life, I have a lot of emotions surfacing, which I am managing in a healthy way but when we're emotional we can feel burdened and heavy, this in turn for someone with a history of disordered eating can make them feel physically heavy and body dysmorphic. A ha! There was a lot of truth in this for me. It also helped me when I felt clouded by negative thoughts to decipher what was real and what was not and how to address either. 

Another thing I did that was super helpful was increased my self care. I've been taking these detox baths because my skin was freaking out because of winter creeping in. HUGELY suggest it. 1 cup epsom salts or dead sea minerals, 1 cup baking soda, essential oils if you want, and fresh ginger if you can be bothered. I cannot. Soak in that for 15 minutes, I follow up with AmLactin lotion to help keep the flaky skin away. Do not use this on legs you have just shaved unless you want to contemplate dying. My skin feels pretty dreamy with this combo and my mood's improved. Epsom salts I found out are also mood improving so there's that to.

To try to keep swaying things back to the healthy side and less the self loathe-y I concentrated on staying on top of my self care, not comparing myself to others, and boosting my cardio as I've been in a rut and bored. I do feel a lot better. Far calmer, and more grounded. Feeling present is a day to day thing, and that's cool. For me the only way to be balanced is not fight and accept that I swing between extremes. I feel awesome, or I feel awful. When I swing one way or another I have to go what's up and then I can meet in the middle. Self acceptance for the win! And epsom salts, definitely epsom salts win.

So much living too little sleeping

Straight up I am just not sure what to talk about lately. I have all these things I want to write about and then I get overwhelmed and tired.  Life's been busy. Great busy, but I'm tired. Kinda the story of life right? What have I been doing, well why I would tell you when I can do a list!
I L-O-V-E a list.



1. I booked a trip to Australia! Biggest news in my life for realz right now. I'm only going for a week which peeps keep giving me flack for but whatever, I AM GOING TO AUSTRALIA which I yell like a kid with poor voice modulation at least once a day.


2. Okay, I caved and like I predicted have lost my life to Breaking Bad. In two weeks I am up to Season 5. I feel like I am finally part of the club.

3. Sweet potato ice cream with marshmallows. It's amazing and horrible this exists. I want it all the time. GET INTO MY FACE.


4. Basketball is back and in an attempt to better self regulate and self care I am only attending one game a week. Season opener I got home at 4am. This is going to be tricky.

5. Struggling with body image lately. For no reason at all I just feel really self conscious and big. Staying positive minded is tough and a day to day thing I try to remind myself.

6. Reading The Interestings, highly suggest it. So good.


7. Making these, but I generally ditch the bread because I am lazy about buying baguettes.

8. Spending lots and lots and lots of time with my girlfriends lately which has been the bees knees. Aurora and I worked out with Jesse last Saturday, got brunch after and then went shopping. Best Saturday ever. A bunch of us hung out to cheer a friend in the marathon on which was super cool. It was also super cool seeing 46,000 different people running a marathon. No two marathoners were truly a like. Very inspiring.

9. Saying no to things I do not want to do. Not getting the guilts and not being a martyr. Sometimes you just don't want to do something.

10. Trying to figure out how to open myself up more to dudes ( I know, I know this is not new information) and not automatically make guys friends to avoid rejection. I need some risk and rejection in my life.


What's everyone up to? Loving fall? Already in winter? Does everyone love the embellished sweatshirt trend like I do? Seriously...it's a problem.