My friend Jo and I have commiserated on our need for yes man phases. This is named after the Jim Carrey movie. Not that we're huge fans of the movie or anything but we both swing between hibernating and phases of social insanity. The social insanity tends to be our yes man phases. Hey want to go to this party, YES! Want to go to this book reading, YES! and so on. There are some fun times but often I feel drained, have had a lot more cocktails then I would have liked and feel like for the 100% I was putting out there 10% was worth it.
I kicked off May with a I am going to issue in another yes man phase. I was sick of it within a week. Asking myself how do I feel, what do I need? I realized maybe I need some more no's instead of yes's.
I need a visit it to the West Coast to see dear friends and escape the city. I have not left NY in months. That is not good. You need a city break. What did I do, I double checked dates with a friend, mentioned it to my mom who offered me air miles and then I booked it. It's simple as that. Yes to LA.
Last night I found myself with a friend eating ice cream in his bed watching movies. This is something I probably would have said no to, and just sort of shrugged off. It's a school night, real ice cream are you out of your mind, I could go on with excuses but I won't. Instead I said yes I will come over for dinner and then let the night evolve. I ended up sleeping over, oversleeping and missing my appointment with Stephanie, (whoops) but it was worth it. To just be present and enjoy an evening, not obsess about full fat dairy, or bedtimes, that he would see my flaws when he handed me a t-shirt to sleep in or even what does this mean. Now several hours later, I am wondering why I did wake up being spooned, but not sure there is an answer or if I really need one. It was nice and unexpected for a Thursday night and that's okay with me.
People are selfish, it's just how we are and I feel myself learning a little better to be selfish in a way that is self protection. I said I would go to a party tonight, but really I don't want to. I have other things I need to take care of, I have plans Saturday morning, and really I don't have to justify it. I start spiraling and saying but what if there are really cool people there? Or but I said I would go and it's bad to cancel. I guess what trumps all the things is I don't really want to go out and I have to be responsible and loyal to me first before others. Yes to me no to others perhaps?