Food Glorious Food

I have been eating out a lot. I am not complaining, except shockingly to me I am. I was feeling gross Saturday. Brunch had been a burger, with cheese and fries. While definitely tasty and I have been on a total burger bender and the thrill was gone. I lie. I might eat a burger tomorrow but not with fries. I blame years and year of veggie burgers on this late in life discovery and love affair with burgers. Anyway, lately I have been meeting people, getting drinks with people, and just generally eating a lot more meals not at home. I wanted to cook. Make whole foods, clean, control what went in it, and know what I was eating.  Sunday my friend Meggie came over and I was thrilled to catch up with her and have her cooking confidence with me. She is an amazing cook and lucky for me she was game to grocery shop and cook with me.

I love Joy the Baker, and have been reading her blog forever but had yet to make anything. This one recipe for lemon pasta kept nudging me. The change in temps have me leaning heavier, richer and starch. The more the better. So I quit ignoring it, and decided I was making this dish but with some modifications. It needed protein, and I could make the olive oil and portion what worked for me. We changed the recipe adding in chicken sausage we crumbled in. You have to just wing it, and when that's lemon, parsley and parmesan, you can measure and put in whatever works for your tastes and calorie counts. I put down what I used, and it was delicious.

The recipe : http://www.joythebaker.com/blog/2011/08/easy-sunday-lemon-pasta/

I used:

1 cup vegetable broth, I added this in because I made it earlier and then reheated later.
Juice of 3 lemons, this is to your lemon taste. I am currently in a lemon juice love affair.
large handful chopped parsley. I am seeing parsley on the side so I added a lot.
1 teaspoon olive oil, because I purposefully did not want it to be oily. I like my fat more hidden.
I was liberal with the cheese. I used low fat so I was cheese slutty.
1 cup peas
1/2 box penne makes 4 large servings.
2 chicken sausages. I went with garlicky ones. It was a nice touch with the lemon.

My Hero

There's this guy at my gym who I am obsessed with. I am not being my hyperbolic self I am truly obsessed with him. He runs like his life depends on it and for very long periods of time. I mean he is flying on the treadmill. I have watched him for months thoroughly inspired by how he runs. I seriously think his mom is a gazelle or something. I have wanted to say something to him for months. I mean I am his biggest exercise fan but I just felt too shy. I also never really had the chance because I did not want to interrupt his work out and following him into the locker room seemed too forward.

I was sitting at the cafe catching up with my darling friend Nisa when he came up to get a smoothie. Now was my chance....I gushed to him about his running and how he inspires me. He was super cool! He told me a little about his own running experience. He had been a swimmer but moved to the city and was not down with the pool situation so he started running. He kept emphasizing to me he had not always run like that it had taken him time and for me to stick with it. He gave me a few tips, and just kept insisting I stick with it and it would get easier, I would be faster, run farther, and find my own running way. It just reminded me everyone has their own exercise story and it's worth asking the people who you admire. Hearing that he had not just hopped on to the treadmill one day and started sprinting made my next set of intervals a whole lot more bearable and my hopes of being part gazelle felt a lot more attainable.

Progress in the Unknown

So lets see what's going on. A whole lot actually. I am still losing weight which I am both super excited about and not really surprised. I definitely have life stress that I am working daily to manage but not being super unhappy is making it easier to stay clear in my mind and make healthy choices and decisions. It's daunting to have the task of restructuring my life in front of me but it's pretty cool and definitely educational on a daily basis. My career has always been such a hugely defining aspect of my life I kind of feeling I am really getting to know who I am with that removed.

Work wise, I am a meeting machine. I have enjoyed having the downtime but I am starting to go a little mad. I am trying not to make rash decisions based on fears, but it's tough not to feel this pressure. Friends, family and professional peeps keep urging me to relax take my time and just see what happens, but that does not pay my bills. I get overwhelmed by just how alone I feel. I am responsible for every aspect of my upkeep from getting my laptop up to snuff with software to figuring out health insurance. None of it is a huge deal but some days it feels like it is. I just try to keep the anxiety in check and address what I can as I can. I am learning a whole lot about one day at a time. 

I have a few things cooking and they are all vastly different which is exciting and confusing. I am not sure what direction I will end up going in at this point. I think some of it will have to do with offers being made, and what I just feel like is the right direction to charge right into. Being openminded and not having a definitive answer I think makes more things drift in my direction. I am open to anything because I have no conclusive idea of direction. A few things I have sussed out are, I want to be more creative, I want to have an increased role in creative concept, I would like writing to be a component, and ideally social media plays a part of this yet to be named job. It's weird job searching 9 years after entering the job market because it's less interviews and applying and more meeting and casual talking. A part of me is frustrated by this and wants more clarity another part likes the looseness. It leaves me more open to listening and considering and not so concerned with what the direct result of this chat is. I focus on being excited by all these unknowns and not paralyzed by them. Most of the time this works, other times not so much.

Lots and lots of writing going on. I am writing almost every day and things are moving along swimmingly with the writing partner. I am growing used to his greatness, and less phased by it. It's really great to work with someone who is super great as a person, and pushes me to do better work. I think some of what was creeping in, is my last big business partnership truly royally blew up in my face and I was holding him at arm's length. I have to really sort through how I feel about that relationship dissolving and the way that it did. We have not spoken since I left, and he sent me a text to say sorry about it. Almost 9 years together, starting a company together, and a text? Lame. Anyway feelings of betrayal are there now that some of the relief associated with a break up I wanted has lessened. As for the newbie, I think I had some stuff swirling he was being affected by. I am afraid of getting too attached to working with someone again, I am afraid of admitting how important what we are working on is to me, and I am uneasy about working on something that is outside my comfort zone. I did not really delve into the partnership stuff with him but the other stuff I did. It was a good lesson in speaking up talking to him because in order to work with me he has to learn about how I work and vice versa. I learned a lot in that phone call about both of us. I had to articulate some stuff I had been avoiding and I had to take the chance of sharing it with him. Ew, vulnerability. Not a big fan but what I keep learning is newbie does not scare easily and I have yet to throw anything his way he has been phased by. The more we learn about how the other operates the better we work together. We met Monday night and had one of our most successful meetings, accomplishing so much, clarifying a ton, and I felt like we had a different level of comfortability working and sharing ideas with one another. If nothing else is progressing that is and that's pretty great for now. 

Ladies I love the Kimbra Edition

I am completely in love and obsessed with Kimbra's album Vows. I love the song "Settle Down", and wish I had thought of the name Nebraska Jones. I am not sure who to compare her to, but she has an amazing voice, and unusual sound.

Life Make Up

I like make up. I think it's fun. I rarely do not wear it and it's less to do with my appearance and more to do with it being grown up drawing time. Often on the weekends I do not wear make up during the day. I find this to be strangely controversial with some of the ladies in my life. My thing is Saturdays I work out with Egon, so what am I wearing make up for? To sweat and have it look like melty clown face? I have to shower post work out anyway and who wants to get made up twice. I don't.

Being single and running around town often with a naked face I feel like I am violating some single lady rule of not putting my best face forward because of that you just never know that you are supposed to live with it motivating you. I think this is crap. Any guy I end up with is going to have to accept despite my usually made up ways I also like to give my skin a chance to breathe and not have a bunch of pigment layered on it.

The person though who takes the most issue with this however is my mom. My mom is very southern when it comes to appearance. Women should be made up and at the very least have some blush and lipstick on. I shunned both for years out of some sort of rebellion. I have childhood and teenage memories of her attacking my face with some blush insisting I just needed a little color I am so washed out. Anyway we were speaking recently and she said that I had never looked better. That losing my job took five years off me, that my color has returned, and I look so much better. She said sometimes I would comfort myself that you just looked so washed out and stressed because you did not have any make up on. We went shopping once and I was not wearing make up and she kept bringing it up. I finally said alright, alright I get it I committed some sort of mortal sin and did not wear make up today. She confessed she was jealous because people would scream if she went out without make up and that she believes everyone needs make up and would even put it on the dogs.  I continually learn people care far less about us then we could ever imagine or grasp and wish sometimes my mom would subscribe a little more to that when it comes to appearances.

I was brushing my teeth this morning looking at my naked face and thinking regardless of whether or not I should be down with this nudity I am. I am okay with who I am without the eyeliner, or blush and the more okay I am with myself the less I feel the need to cover it up. I use less make up these days, I care less about having a 1000 pieces of jewelry on, and in general feel less reason to distract any viewers. Yeah, it's not perfect the complexion could be evened out, the under eye circles covered up, the neck bejeweled but sometimes it feels good to be a little more naked and a little less done up.

Pre-gym naked face this morn.

A Good Problem to Have

One of the best things about being unemployed is the vast amounts of free time I have at my disposal. I have been super proactive about taking advantage of this. In fact I have been somewhat annoyed by my lack of free time. I had some pretty big plans for binging on reality TV and doing nothing and I have yet to get to it. I think not having a job makes me feel even more pressure to stay busy. Truthfully I am a little worn out because unemployed does not equal not busy. Who knew? A recent development is I have been writing. A lot. And with a partner. 

More about this partner. I met him at my gym funnily enough. He is a good looking guy who I completely misjudged. I thought he was like some of the other guys at my gym a moderately successful male model and probably a bit douchey. All of this judgement is based on the fact that when he's working out he has mean face, not at all on his behavior making me an a-hole. Anyway we became acquainted started chatting and I realized two things. 1. he is quite possibly one of the nicest and most genuine people I have ever met and 2. He is ridiculously funny and often not meaning to be which I think is the best kind of funny. He also is not a male model and seemed somewhat horrified I thought that was a possibility. My bad, but maybe turn down the ridiculous good looks? 

When I got back from LA I was catching up with him about the trip telling him about the meetings I had and what not and how someone had suggested development to me. He asked me if I had any ideas and I said not really. He happened to have a good one, and because he is the nicest guy in the world offered it to me. I can not emphasize his niceness enough, and yet somehow he is incredibly manly. I said why not write it together? The beginnings of our writing partnership were conducted via text and it was one of those out of body texting moments. What have I done?! Why am I actively seeking to work with the super hot guy who makes me a little bit nervous because he's so nice and gives great chat? I have been around attractive men and usually keep my cool, usually, but nice and hot? That's tough. We started working together and it's delightful. I struggled in some of our first interactions to not feel super self conscious of my ideas or to girl out, taking back what I've said and being like oh I didn't mean that, no way, super dumb. I take it all back. He has also been super reassuring and supportive. When we did our first big writing reveal working on our character bios I admitted upon getting his reply that I was relieved and had been a little nervous. His immediate response was why would you be nervous, we're a team, and remember there's no bad ideas we're brainstorming. I felt really different in that moment, in that I can continue being nervous about how people will receive what I put out there or I can learn something from his ease and just worry a little less and work a little more.  It's pretty great and provided I do not self sabotage in some way I think we can do great work together. 

So what's the problem? The problem is I feel like he is on a mission every time I see him to top his previous level of awesome. He's incredibly kind and sweet and if he does not cease and desist with it I will have no choice but to develop a raging crush on him that I will assume zero accountability for. He truly will have brought it on to himself. I mean the phone call with his nieces promising to take them to play with puppies? Come on. He is way too amazing a fella to be behaving like that willy nilly. It's either incredibly irresponsible or he is an evil puppy promising genius. 

Tah Dah!

Space has been rehabbed and here are the photos to prove it. Also to prove it is my entire body hurts. Life cardio!

close up of an art directed side table

kitchen and hallway, I should probably get a table. 

bedroom, the clothes were air drying that's why they are not in my closet. 

Book case! Still needs a little work. 

Living room, guest appearance by Dumplin' under the chair. 

Katie the great in progress. She is THE BEST.
 I could not have done it without her or the 100 hours of work she gave me.
 I owe her more the the falafel sandwich I got her.