Nope. Do not want.

I had a whole idea of how last week was supposed to go. I was headed out to Portland, Oregon for my first solo mission. I had re-arranged my work out schedule, done my laundry and thought I was headed in the right direction. Nope, not at all how it all played out. 

Tuesday night while working out with my temporary trainer while Jesse's away I tore my right calf muscle. Badly. I couldn't walk Tuesday or Wednesday, was on crutches for a few days and then graduated to a cane. Annoying. The whole thing has been annoying. I was really lucky, the airline credited my flight, hotel cancelled without charging me, Create + Cultivate what I was attending put that towards the event they are throwing in Brooklyn. I basically came out as ahead as I could be for having to cancel a trip the day before it. 

The worst part was being immobilized. I felt so incredibly vulnerable and frustrated. I couldn't do anything besides be patient and just let this run it's course. I totally ate some self pity feelings Wednesday in the form of salted dark chocolate. I felt so defeated and powerless, and like there's nothing I can do wahhh. Thursday I started to turn that thinking around, I can rest, do exercises that are considered pre-hab, eat well to fuel healing, and not make it worse by pushing myself. There's no miracle cure or magic bullet. It's also not my fault, or because of my weight or going to make me fat. I have to remind myself of these things. I am out of commission for at least 2-3 weeks. When I can stretch without pain I can start light activity. 

Almost a week later I've watched the whole series of Orange is the New Black, and highly recommend it. I watched more Arrested Development and still feel undecided about it. My brother offered to send pot to my house to "help" I declined. I ate hot dogs because they are delicious but then prepared a quinoa salad for Sunday dinner as amino acids are my friends right now. I rode the wave, I wanted to burst into tears a few times, but really having to lay around and heal and take percocet is really not the worst fate. It's hard to just sit and and be and take care of yourself but really it's pretty nice. I soaked in the tub last night, and then coated myself head to toe in coconut oil which in retrospect maybe wasn't the wisest idea for someone who's balance is compromised, and then ate a tasty dinner I had made with whole foods, and watched True Blood. Saturday I slept 15 hours, I think I was tired. Today my walking is pretty pretty good, I made everyone check me out in the office like a toddler. I get only occasional muscle spasms and feeling I am being electrocuted every once and a while instead of every few minutes. It's healing, I just have to be patient and let it do it's thing. 

All this being said, instead of pouring one out for my homey right calf, please stretch yours. Don't be like me, I am only half kidding about this. Tight calves are no joke apparently. 

I will drink all of these if I can walk normal tomorrow.