How I'm Dressing & What I'm Obsessing

I knew that post arms I was going to develop a problem shopping for short sleeves, and tank tops. I mean I love any excuse to shop, I love clothes, and with summer approaching and new arms to be showcasing serious perfect storm fixings. The thing is it's not like I don't own short sleeves things or tanks. I just own ones I usually hid the arms of and I am now bored with. I am ridiculous.

I recently ordered a bunch of stuff from Zara, who I love. They have lots of really cute tee shirts for $19.99 and under. I definitely went a little crazy and a bunch of it is going back but I digress. On my way to pick up my zara order because how's this for a I don't have a doorman danger zone, you can ship to a store and pick up. No es bueno. What often holds me back is how the eff am I going to get stuff delivered, or if I ship it to my mom's how much am I going to hear about it? Off I went to pick up my stuff and on my walk wouldn't you know it H&M is on the way. There was a shopping massacre that went down. I'm not proud. I have no excuse, but I will say this a few days later I returned half of it. Once the holy crap I can wear this stuff now haze lifted I realized I had lost my goddamn mind.

I am also realizing not just post surgery but overall my body is changing a lot. I swear weight loss is like never ending puberty. I think I have my mind wrapped around what's going on and something changes again. Now when I see pictures I'm like oh my I did not see that coming. It's kind of nice when a former foe (photographic evidence of shape) becomes a friend. That being said Kim snapped some full body shots of me and I still weird out and squirm like I am trying to hide myself. Ugh, seriously awkward-itis is a serious made up disease.

Last night I had a lovely lady date with Kim/Juice. We saw Zola Jesus, yes again, together. She was playing at the Guggenheim with a string quartet and it was awesome. The company, the setting, the music. The whole shebang. Lovely. When she came back on stage to do an encore she walked by us and she is so unbelievably tiny. As Kim put it I own shoes bigger then her. Not terribly far off.

bought this

not sure about this one, does one need a see through chiffon tank?

electric orange neon stars, definitely need. 

neon yellow of the other day

sassy malassy back 

wow, I can contort awkwardly in photos. 

Zola, perched on the edge of the stage. 

Kim and I. 

Zola, encore. 

Nails Like Jewels

This is for Joyski. It's also because I really, really, really love when my hands do not look beat to hell. It makes a nice change from when I want to constantly keep my finger's folded and just pass people things with my knuckle nubbins. Classiness. I has it.

I also noticed in taking this photo I have on A LOT of accessories. Geez. It's like I channeled my inner drag queen this morning. Sort of lovesit. Makes me feel very gypsy. I also failed to notice my shirt I just got from zara (compulsive zara shopping is a new problem) that I thought was a punchy lemon is more neon. I noticed that walking down 14th this morning. There was no not noticing me.

What I Am Doing Tonight

I am going to dance in traffic on my way to get a manicure. Why you ask, because I have health insurance! I not only have health insurance, but it's not bankrupting me. Happiness all around. While tempting to put that bad boy to use and get my money's worth I will actually just be getting a manicure this evening. There are advantages to not rushing to the gym at night. Advantages like manicures. Mint green manicures.

In other news...I have been freed from my chastity sleeves! I am healing well. My armpit despite my insistence it's infected is not. My Doctor at this point is positive I want it to be infected. I don't blame him. I was like I know you are the doctor and I am not, but are you sure? He's very nice and patient with me and was like keep putting the bactine on it and you can put a band aid on it to if you want. Clearly this is a very sophisticated healing procedure. I can start working out my legs in a week. I can start arms 1-2 weeks after that. I am highly skeptical about the whole arms in 1-2 weeks. They are still sore and fragile but who knows. Maybe it starts to accelerate from here on out. I am skeptical.

I have a full blown love affair/obsession/addiction with Organic Avenue. Samara, I apologize in advance if you to develop the sickness. I'm downing shooters of algae and chlorophyll. I do not know who I am anymore. It just cracks me up, had you told me a a year or two ago I would drink green juice, and take shots of algae I would have looked at you like you were inconceivably stupid. A word of advice, a green juice is fine in the afternoon, algae and chlorophyll not so much. They are naturally energizing and that is no lie. If you were to drink your green juice and take your shooters on say a Sunday evening you will be up reading until about 4am. Also chlorophyll will turn your teeth green. Make sure to swish before leaving the house. Not that I forgot one day or anything.

On the weigh loss tip, vigilance is paying off. I was down 3 pounds this week. Not the goal for the moment I just want to not gain without the gym but hey I certainly will take it. I now have to go look at more tank tops on line now...

It's a problem when they give you a bag. It's a bigger problem when your juice purchase requires it. 

My juice obsessing with Samara. 

It Could Be Anything

You know what's a bummer about on line dating besides on line dating...You can be chatting with someone and hitting it off and then nada. The one fella I gave my email to has gone a little cold. This of course leaves me perplexed.

I think on line dating is a little addicting. You get used to the interaction, the availability and the ease. It's not like real life. In real life if I met a guy I would not be surprised if he went quiet. I would not be phased at all. I would give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he was busy, had plans, or you know the million other reasons someone is not talking to you. On line whole different ball game. If I log on and see he's there as well I am torn between fighting the urge to message ( I didn't) and wondering if he's messaging every other girl on there ( he could be). What can you do? A whole lot of nothing.

I guess what makes me feel insecure is he knows my first and last name and I know he looked at my linkedin profile. If he looked at that what else did he look at? I was chatting with a friend and telling her I was now a little afraid he had googled me. You see if you google me nothing horrible comes up. No sex tapes. No mugshots. Nothing that in my opinion is awful. What does come up...my blog, and fitperez along with a lot of other things. Most of my digital life is positive. It's career stuff, TV credits, and even articles I have been featured in. I mean it could be a lot worse. I can not help but wonder if this guy googled me found my blog and was like oh no not for me.

In the long run I guess it does not really matter because I am not planning on changing things any time soon. The blog is staying, it's not going to be password protected. More importantly I can not undo or change the past. I was very overweight once upon a time. If I had my choice it's something I would share with someone when I felt ready and it was appropriate. I like that with new people I get a fresh start. I like that with someone who meets me now what I look like is not a comparison to before. It's not something I hide, avoid or run from. I mean it is what it is. I do not lead anymore with my weight loss, or my previous weight but it does not change that both of those pieces are a part of my life. It's a tricky thing to work out. I have not completely found my way with it, but in some ways I think google could do me a favor. If it doesn't work for you best to know now.

In the past when dating guys who have either learned of my blog or I've told them about it have asked if they could read it. My default answer has been no. If you're asking then the answer is no. My thinking is you're going to overwhelm yourself with a bunch of information you have no idea what to do with. For example if he did stumble upon the blog, not so thrilling his first introduction to my body is that I had my excess skin removed. Am I ashamed? No. Is it something I hide? Not at all. I think everyone I have ever known ever has received my drugged up tank pic but someone who I have never met in person before, yeah I hope I get the chance to meet them before they know what I look like sans make up and hopped up on percoset.

 Just like I am more then my body, weight or weight loss I am also more then my blog. I'm honest here, I'm revealing, and I do share many aspects of my life but it could never fully represent who I am as a person. It's a blog and that's what it functions as and okay maybe sometimes it pulls double duty as a chastity belt.

Ugh, what's all so stupid is maybe he decided he just doesn't like a girl with brown hair so that being said next!

And We Have a Winner

Drumroll please......the giveaway winner is another *** diet girl. She not only wins prizes but blogs over at http://diaryofadietgirl.blogspot.com/ in case you didn't know. Another *** diet girl let me know what's your pick some retooled vintage fashion or some delightful jewels.

Losing the Will to Live

Okay that is a hugely dramatic title. I am a little bit however because in about ten minutes yesterday I went from my healthy albeit gimpified state to having a terrible cold. I am forgetting what feeling normal feels like. I think it just TOO MUCH for someone to be healing from surgery, have a punch test and now new stitches, and a cold all at the same time and have no more percoset. To much. I want a do over.

Whoah a 100!

I never thought one person would read this much less a 100. It's pretty amazing and totally awesome. I've said it before I will say it again. Thank you. Thank you from a very pure and true place in my usually sarcastic heart. You'll never know what it does and has meant to me.

Okay so on to other bits and bobs. Food wise I am eating really clean still. I am also being pretty vigilant about my portions. I took a lovely long walk with the pup today. I am feeling pretty good, still sore and tired. It's two weeks today and I can't believe it. Truthfully a little over it. I want the sleeves off, I want a free range of motion back, but then I remind myself it's been two weeks. Slow your roll lady.

Not much going on and a lot at the same time. The work I am doing at IFC is pretty darn cool and I am excited about it. I have a lot of plans coming up. I get to see some of my favorite fellas tomorrow night that I have not seen in ages. Super excited to see their faces. Saturday going to this art festival on Roosevelt island and then going to see Feist. I am bummed for my friend Kim she broke up with her girlfriend, but I am not mad at benefiting by being her date to Feist. I am trying to get Knicks tickets for Thursday night, because well they need me. We'll see.

I went to the dermatologist today for a follow up. I had a nubbin' removed right before surgery that came back as a malignancy. Not cancerous but malignant so I had to have a punch test to make sure everything was removed. 1. I love my doctor. She seriously is the bee's knees. 2. I have another damn wound now. I seriously could not feel more unattractive then if I had a full body rash. Nothing like having what feels like a mattress on the side of my back taped to me until tomorrow. Great something else to make sure heals properly. I can barely keep plants alive and now I have to make sure all sorts of ish is healing and thriving. It's a little daunting truthfully.

Funny fella side note. One of the guys I am most interested in meeting asked me for my email. This is a little scary because then you have my last name. Once you have that then I'm google-able. I gave it to him because well I just don't think he's a douche. Anyway he had told me his name and where he works and it was not hard for me to find him on linkedin. I was chatting with a guy friend of mine about linkedin and he mentioned how you can see who has looked at your profile. I almost died, I'm like WHAAAT??!!! Great, this dude I have never met is now going to think I am a total stalker. Great. I look at my settings and I actually come up anonymous. Phew. I look today on linkedin and see that more people have looked at me. I check it and he looked at my profile. Stalker. Kidding. Totally cracked me up. On another note, two guys have asked me if I was on facebook. When I told them yes and they asked to add me, I gave my name. I accepted their friend request and then within maybe a hour they de-friend me. WHAT THE EFF IS THAT?! Is it just to see all your photos and do some sort of interwebz reconnaissance? Do I seriously need to clean up my FB act? Ugh. It's all pretty funny because I am who I am. If you can't deal with my digital footprint then we probably would not work out because it's not changing anytime soon. Sometimes I wish we could just date and there was no facebook, no linkedin, texting, none of that nonsense. You either had a message on your home phone or didn't. Well on second thought that might be awful because I like moving about and not missing calls, said the girl who keeps her phone on silent and misses calls all the time....I have no idea what I want but I do know that text based relationships are the pits and to be avoided. That much I have figured out.