Well Hmmmmph

I need to whine a little about boys for a second. So yes things were going smoothly with RGC or so I thought. He got a little weird. He was weird for a few days and I did not think much about it. I chalked it up to the holidays and family obligations. Also we've known one another for a nanosecond and despite that seeming positive I was not going to assume any real familiarity. All I had to go on was how he had been and how he was being did not match. Anyway by Tuesday I was thinking hmmm something is up and at this point I can ignore it or I can call him on it. I was literally about to send the so I'm guessing you're not into it text when I got one from him. A friend of his passed away and he found out about it Christmas Eve. 1. That is awful and I felt bad for him, 2. I am so glad I did not send that text. I decided fair enough, he wasn't dumping his problems on me but said sorry I've been distant here's what is going on. His behavior however did not change. I started to feel insecure, and a little needy. I am not a big fan of either one of those emotions.

The big thing is we're supposed to hang out tomorrow night. I felt really weird about it. I felt like it's too soon for any big emotional hang out and the way things have been this week I'm not really looking forward to hanging out with him. I sort of suspected I was going to feel resentful and not really show my best side. I feel like it's not the best message to say you can act weird all week regardless of if it has to do with me and still get to see me. I am not down with that message. I have sent that message way too many times. I have also started relationships with men when they are having some sort of emotional fallout I support them through. What's that? Oh yes it's the alarm bells ringing in my head.

It's a tough thing not making new people pay for the transgressions of others in your past. I am not saying RGC is like every other guy I have dated. I don't really know him well enough to make that assumption or come to that conclusion. I do not know him. I do not know what his subtext is. What I do know, I do not like how I am feeling at the moment, and I do not want to hang out with him tomorrow. It's easy to forget sometimes you do not have to know what someone else thinks, you need to know what you think. I decided rather then to wait him out, wonder if he would say something I would take care of me. That's all I can do, so I sent a text, sounds like you had a rough week rain check on tomorrow night. No response. Silence sometimes is the answer I think but at least I am not wondering anymore.