Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Keep Calm and Rebrand

Lately life has felt a little like trying to dig myself out of an avalanche. Work has been beyond insane. 
The network is rebranding and while it's been an amazing experience. It's not one I want to relive again anytime soon. In the midst of all this though...I met someone. 

First up there was Hedgie, he was a guy who approached me at a party we got to talking he tried to get me to come home and make out with him. I politely refused but said good try and then we swapped numbers. He kept it pretty smooth, called me, texted me, set up plans for the following weekend. I saw him on a Saturday and went over to his apartment to hang out. I walked through the door and he shoved me against the wall and kissed me. I was a bit shocked but it wasn't unwelcome. He then said sorry I've been thinking about doing that all week. Mmmkay. I heard from him Sunday and then after that not a peep. Oh these hot and heavy fellas. I knew he wasn't anything serious or going to be someone I dated. He managed a hedge fund and while he said he wasn't one of those finance guys, I mean if it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck. I hardly think the finance guy debate is something exclusive to NY but they just don't tend to be my kinda guy. I find them often a remote and aloof, and having big egos. Not really my thing. 

Despite Hedgie being a no go, I really didn't care. It was definitely fun and made me see how much I did miss dating and actual viable romantic options. I was not flattened by the rejection, and felt very clear on the fact that it was something to do with him not me. That being said to distract myself I made my way back over to the interwebz. A guy messaged me and he's 4 years younger, and pretty good looking at first I was like um no, this is clearly a mistake. I messaged him back we started going back and forth, swapped numbers and I kinda left it at that. Thought well huh, he's actually pretty cool we'll see. A few days later I was back on the interwebz and he messaged me so I took a chance and texted back saying are you flirting with me online when you could text me? We texted from 9:30pm until 4:30am because clearly I am 15. Things just kind of took off from there, a lot of texting which I was a little nervous about. Texting does not equal a relationship and I've made the mistake of liking someone's digital personality more then there actual one before. That is a bummer let me tell you. As the time creeps by though I start to actually have a crush. Then we met, then we continued the texting, then we hung out again, and then he pulled away a bit. 

Staying grounded is so tricky isn't it? It's not normal to be in constant contact all day. That is not real life, but it sure does provide a high. I saw him Saturday, didn't hear from Sunday, and then didn't hear from him Monday until I texted. I was losing my mind, and writing him off, and this is all crazy. Monday night he checked in, said he had an awful day, and I was like sigh all is right in the world. Tuesday, I shook myself and was like GET A GRIP WOMAN. He's not the first dude you've liked he won't be the last. Maybe he's really busy at work and it's not going well, maybe he's doing a slow fade, who knows but you'll be okay. I was going to initiate plans for Friday but instead I made them with another friend. I mean what kind of message does you can ramp it down and get plans? Not a good one, and not one I want to send. I'm way more work then that. I'm going to practice what I preach, I know I'm enough so I am not going to convince him that I am. I'm going to sit on my hands and do nothing, he'll either wander back or he won't in the meantime I have a network to re-launch. 

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

And Now a Note from the Universe

No bigs but I have an in with the Universe. Yes, the Universe. Actually my friend gets these Notes From the Universe and occasionally she would forward them to me, like a horoscope. Can you believe how spot on this is, or hmph maybe I do need to think about this. Anyway, I had been meaning to sign up for a million years. Never did. I did last week. It's pretty cool, you set some intentions and they send you an email every day if you select that option. I'm not big on affirmations. In fact I loathe them. They're just super trite to me, but I do believe that thoughts become actions and your words and inner dialogue have a huge amount of power.

I have been treated to two this week that gave me pause, and stumbled upon another quote courtesy of tumblr I loved.

For the record The Universe is a bit cheeky:

Anna, it's one kind of victory to slay a beast, move a mountain, and cross a chasm, but it's another kind altogether to realize that the beast, the mountain, and the chasm were of your own design. 

Hubba, hubba -     The Universe

Anna, avoid gray areas. There, the illusion of safety is guarded by the lies of "maybe," "sometime," and "I don't know." There is a truth. There is a way. Life is absolute, and its principles exacting. If you put it out "there," it has to come back. Ask, and it must be revealed. Think, speak, and move with your desires, and nothing will ever be the same. 

Tallyho,    The Universe

Tumblr Quote:

"We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love." - Lori Deschene